Saturday, January 24, 2009

I need to start out by apologizing to all who read the post that I wrote yesterday. Yes, I was discouraged, and let that come blaring through in my post. I should not have. I should have been still and waited upon the Lord to calm those fears and discouraging feelings. You know, sometimes He calms the storm, and sometimes HE calms the child and lets the storm rage. My impatience got the best of me, and I didn't wait to see what HE had in store for me. I let my emotions do the talking. That is never a good thing. It must be the chemo, or the fact that I am just tired. I usually don't let my emotions get the best of me. Oh well.....I am truly sorry. Today, is a better day. I have been up, taken a shower, put on my makeup, and my "hair", and I feel closer to my normal self. And yes, I have been talking to my Lord. The verse that was brought to my attention today, was Ephesians 4:29, "When you talk, do not say harmful things. But say what people need--words that will help others become stronger." I love to read Barbara Johnson books. That lady has been through so much in her lifetime, and yet stays true to God's word. She has such strong faith, it amazes me. I am reading through one of her books that I have read many times. I keep coming back to it. It is called "Splashes of Joy in the Cesspools of Life". How's that for a title!! In this chapter I am in now, a few sentences caught my eye, and I have to share them. "Nothing comes into our lives by accident: and no matter how bad it makes you feel, it didn't come to stay---it came to pass! The hard part is dealing with being alive while waiting for whatever it is to pass. When pain and grief capsize your life, it sometimes seems that all you can do is sink. " She always seems to find the joy in the journey. I know God has got this. I just sometimes get tired, and therefore, let my defenses down, and my daddy used to say, our greatest weakness is an unguarded strength. Ouch. I wasn't guarding my "faith", and gave the devil the opportunity to sneak in there and plant seeds of doubt and discouragement. I know the people are praying for me, and I appreciate it, I do. Please pray that I won't fall short again, and I won't let discouragement and frustration win, that I won't let my "always wanting to protect and fix" get in the way of God's plan. I know God has a plan. Please, Lord, don't let me get in the way of YOUR PLAN!!! I do trust you! I love you and am thankful for the friends you are putting on the front lines. Thank you Paula, for going by and having breakfast with my mom this morning. Thank you for the phone call to share that with me! Thank you for the uplifting words about how upbeat she was, even though she did ask you about my treatments, she seems to be accepting the fact that this is different, and we are dealing with it, and gonna get through it, with the help of all my friends filling in the gaps. I love you all!!!! More than you know......

3 comments:

Anita Koller said...

A very wise woman once asked me, when I was worried and discouraged about something. I can't even remember what it was that I was stressing over, but here is what she asked...

Since when did you become an atheist?

That question made me stop and think how I had simply stop putting my trust in the Lord and His plans.

You want to know who asked that question?

It was YOU!

He is walking next to you daily and He is there for you and giving you strength through your family and friends.

Paula said...

No better way to start my day than a McDonalds bacon and egg biscuit with your mom!

And yes, I was eating McDonalds immediately after my Weight Watchers meeting this morning! See, the key is to eat the McD's AFTER the meeting, not before..........

Glad you are feeling better.

Lois said...

I know there is no way you can know whether or not you're going to be up for Women of Faith this summer or not.... but I'd like to know what thoughts are in your head with regards to it. It's your routine (the old 'normal', not the 'new normal') and therefore I don't want to just assume you're not going. But if I were a betting person, that's what I'm thinking you're gonna say. So... anyhow... just let me know what you think, which way you're leaning, etc.