Sunday, January 11, 2009

Good Morning folks! Today is Sunday morning, and the sun is shining again!!! I love the sunshine. Somehow it just makes everyone feel better, don't it? Never mind that it is 18 degrees out there, according to my thermometer on my deck. So, yea, the sunshine is a bit deceiving, but still, from inside my warm house, there is a fire in the fireplace, Ethan is cooking breakfast, Dr. David Jeremiah is on the TV, and coffee in my hand. The TV is paused, so that when we get done with breakfast, we can worship. For the next couple days, I don't know exactly how long, I am to "avoid crowds", because I have no infection fighting cells right now. I have to share with you my day yesterday. One of my prescriptions in the stack they gave me, one said "cranial prosthesis". I laughed, and said, "now I have seen everything". That is two fancy words for a wig!! When my daughter, Kelly, was with me up at Barne's, we did go into their place where they told me to go and look around at all the wig choices. But on that day, nada. It was just too overwhelming, I think. So much to "process". So many choices, so many decisions to make, all in one day. So, I took her free turban, thank you very much, and her brochures and catalog, and papers to fill out so my insurance would pay for the "cranial prosthesis", and walked to the car. I am not in denial, folks, just trying to take it all in! I mean, I am not used to having to make these kind of decisions at all, much less, feeling like I need to make these decisions against some imaginary clock. So, we have a small wig store in Farmington, called "Incognito". So, I looked up their web page, (yes they have one), and read about the owner, and thought, ok, I can go there and look at what she has. It is small, no crowds, and I can be incognito, teehee, as I try and grasp the fact that I will eventually look like Yoda. After a morning of working cows, getting up our bull into the catch pen, so we can sell him to our neighbor, my son and grandson stopping by, Keith came in and said, "You want to ride to town with me? We need gas in all the jugs, you don't have to get out of the truck, just go for a ride." So, I rode to town with my hubby. Once the jugs were all full, he looked at me and said, do you want to run by that wig place and just look?" I said, sure, let's go. So, we made our way to downtown Farmington, found the place, and parked the truck. Inside the store, there were walls and walls of fake hair. Everything from hair clips with hair attached, to full fledged wigs. Short spiky hair, long straight hair, short curly, long curly, geez, every shade imaginable. The owner was in a little side room styling the hair of an older woman sitting in a hair stylist's chair. Her daughter came out and said, you may try on any of these if you would like, help yourself. Keith picked out one and said, here, baby, try this one. I did, it looked like I just flopped someone else's hair on my head, LOL! We did that two or three times, just laughing and playing. In the meantime, the owner was finishing up with the lady she was working on, checked her out, and then came to join our party. She said, how about if I play awhile!! She said, pick out a couple, and come with me. She took us into the side room, put me in her chair, put a wig cap on my head, tucked all my hair up in it, and the fun really began. She gave me her best sales pitch, about not making this about chemo, or losing my hair, or breast cancer. She said, this is about you, as a woman, being able to look how you would like to look. If you have ever thought about putting highlights in your hair, or wearing it in a totally different style, here, you can do that!! If you have ever even thought about changing your hair color, just to see how you would look, but have always been afraid to take that chance, because of, you can do that!! Have you ever wondered how you would look in really really short spiky hair?? Let's see!! So, yea, the fun really started! The trip that I was dreading, turned into a wonderful day! It truly was fun! That woman is very good at what she does. She was so very caring, comforting, sensitive, all the qualities you need to do what she does. She admitted most of her customers were cancer patients, but not all of them. She said, some are just wild, spunky people who like to look different sometimes! I feel certain I will go back to her shop many times. The wig we finally decided on, was just a little over $100. Ouch, yea, but think of the money I am going to save on hairspray!! LOL! I have to turn in the receipt to my insurance carrier, which just happens to be medicare. I am not even sure they cover expense of a wig, but my oncologist said, give it a try. So, they gave me the prescription, and I have the forms, so I will send it all in, and wait and see. In the meantime, I can have instant "good hair day"! I don't mind sharing that the whole looking like I just left the beauty shop, everyday, is not really my comfort zone, but I guess I can get used to that. You know me, sometimes I curl my hair, sometimes I just sorta brush it through, and it is somewhat curled. Aren't we all like that? Some days we are dressed "fit to kill", and others, well, jeans and tennis shoes, and our everyday look. Ok, Ok, maybe not Lois, but the rest of us, teehee!! JUST KIDDING!!! I LOVE YOU SIS!! Well, I'm not kidding about the looking "fit to kill" about Lois. She is my sister, and she goes all out everyday of her life. She looks great everyday!!!! And I admit, when she is here, I try and "step up my game". I will wear an extra necklace, or maybe a bracelet or two, and even wear something besides tennis shoes. LOL! Just so I can try and look half as beautiful as my sister, who is several years younger than me to start with! I still have such precious memories of our last sister retreat in Colorado. Where her and Beck both went to work on me. They had my hair so spiked, and styled different, that it was hilarious!! They were telling me I always wore my hair in "old lady" styles, and they were gonna fix that. I left it that way to fly home, and as I was walking through the airport in Missouri, I had forgotten what they had done to my hair, and therefore, my whole appearance. Until Keith saw me! He went "what in the world have you done!! I mean, you look great, don't get me wrong, just......different!" He then reached up to touch it and said, "Ouch!! Wow! Your hair is ...hard!!" We laughed, and I still laugh to this day. Precious memories...... I love my sisters. I feel so blessed that we have such a close relationship. I used to take that for granted, just enjoyed it. Not any more. I treasure it. Of course, my whole outlook on life has changed slightly. It started in February of 2007, this change in perspective. How quickly the things in our lives that seem so important, can suddenly be just clutter, not important at all when compared to the truly important things. Funny how perspective is always being affected by outside influences. Like this blog, for instance. For the year after I lost my daddy, I used it to "vent". I never really cared what I said, or how I said it, because it was private, nobody even knew it existed. Now, I have made it public, and now, I am more careful with what I say, and how I say it because I know others will read it. Hmmmmm. But, I am going to try and keep it just as I started it. It will not always be about my cancer walk. Sometimes, it will be about my walk in this world that is so very much involved with Alzheimer's disease. My mom has had memory issues for several years. My dad just covered for her. We all saw it. But it wasn't that big of a deal, daddy was there. Daddy used to say "it is very much related to her stress level or how tired she is". So, even back then, we all knew the rules. Daddy made his decisions on where to go, how long to stay, etc., based on mom. If he let mom make those decisions, then his life was easier, if you get my drift. If he kept how this would affect mom in mind, they could still go and do, but their travel got more and more limited. They never missed their Florida Timeshare though. That, was part of mom's routine. They had been going there for so many years, that to mess with that, would have been messing with her routine. But even that, he would say, their first few days down there, mom was more forgetful, because she was tired. But he would give her a few days, and then she would be wanting to go here and eat, or go there and eat. But, the point I am trying to make is, he let momma decide when she was up to this or that. And that made momma maintain that sense of normal, that sense that she was ok. We knew she wasn't "ok" totally, but it was more important for her health, for her to "feel" ok. Fast forward to now. Daddy has been gone now for over a year. Yes, it was a year in December. There were those who, the day of the funeral, and several days after the funeral, felt like mom couldn't live alone. Lots of hurtful things were said by all of us to each other. The motivation was the same in all of us, regardless of what we said, or how we said it, or who we said it to. We love momma. We all had very different plans of how to carry out daddy's wishes of "taking care of your momma". But regardless of our motivations, or our plans, or our intentions, momma is still very much a force to be reckoned with. I would like to share daddy's very own words, when talking to me about momma. "You need to try and make it your momma's ideas, anytime you have something in mind to do. There is a thin line between helping your momma, and taking away her independence. Trust me, if you push her, if she begins to feel that you are trying to take away her independence, she will dig in her heals, and you will have a fight on your hands." Man, the wisdom in his words. It still makes me smile, as I think of all the times he tried to get her to do something, and could not get it done. Momma is a spitfire! I am gonna go out on a limb here and share some of my life with my momma since daddy, the peacemaker, is gone. It has been an inside family joke for quite some time, that daddy was the peace maker, and momma was the trouble maker. LOL! It's the truth!! Daddy would pick his battles. Some were worth "fighting" momma about, and some weren't. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying my mom and dad fought all the time or ever, for that matter. They didn't "fight" like you are thinking, but they did disagree from time to time about what to do, how to do it, when to do it, or where to do it. Daddy had to convince momma they needed to pay the extra $30 or so, back when he wanted DSL! Momma doesn't compute, and she didn't understand anything about computing, and certainly didn't understand why he needed "faster" Internet. She didn't understand why he needed Internet at all, much less understand how or why it could be faster. I remember when I was putting all their banking stuff on my computer, so I could do their end of the year tax stuff, and daddy was trying to explain all that to momma. Daddy told her, "she is putting it in her computer", "well, how are we gonna get it out of her computer?" "she can print us a copy", "why do we want a copy, when we have the originals?" Trust me, she has come along way today, since then, in her understanding of computers and Internet. She still doesn't compute, but at least now she knows, you can get email, talk to people live, etc. Since momma has been adamant about staying in her home, I have resorted to calling her everyday, twice a day. I go and stay with her at least once a week. Sometimes more, but always at least once a week. She has very good neighbors, Lloyd and Ada, that check in on her often. Ada will take her some of whatever she is cooking, be it soup, or cookies on a regular basis. God is so good to have put momma in that subdivision, surrounded by such wonderful caring neighbors. If you walk across the yard straight out from her garage, she can walk to her other neighbor, that is a member of Herky church. Mrs. Harvey has, in the summer, walked across the yard and visited with mom as she sits in her swing. At least once a week, momma will drive down the hill to visit with Ms. Annie, at the assisted living/retirement home. And has, many times, informed me, that when it gets to that point, that is where she wants to go. Mom is still driving, when she wants to. She will not go out at night, or if it's raining, but if it is a pretty day, she will occasionally drive somewhere. Mom knows she has memory issues, and therefore, right now, is still very careful about what she does. I know that there will come a time when that ability to decide if it is safe or not will no longer be there, but right now, it is. And I am grateful for it. I will try to allow my momma to maintain her independence as long as she can. Which means, as some of you know very well, that does allow for the fact that at some point, momma may fall and hurt herself, or worse. But God has not given us a spirit of fear. We all are in God's hands, daily. Some of us live a more dangerous lifestyle than others. With some of us, there is a constant danger, daily, of us getting hurt some way or another. Yet, we don't NOT drive a motorcycle. We don't NOT drive on the interstate. We don't NOT race horses as fast as we can. We don't let the fear of the unknown stop us from living our lives. We trust God, we pray for safety, and we live. A friend of ours had their house burn down Friday night. It is so sad. But they got out safely, no one was hurt, other than broken glass in bare feet, as they scrambled to get out. Things happen. We don't understand them, or why, but they do. We still went to bed, with a fire in our wood stove last nite. There is nothing we can do in this world, that will guarantee us that no harm will come to us or our loved ones......ever. If something happens to my momma, it will not be our fault, because we didn't contact somebody to come into her home daily and check on her. If momma decides she doesn't want to cook, or make a mess in the kitchen, so she just eats cereal all the time, that is not our fault either. We all have regrets in our lives. I regret now, to this day, that I didn't have a video camera on my daddy every time he began to preach to us in the hospital room, so that I would forever be able to share that wisdom with my kids and grand kids. My sister Beck, says she regrets that she didn't take a notebook, and ask him, "what do I do when this happens with my teenagers? What should I do when they do this, or that?" So, that, in the future, we could grab the notebook, and still have some of daddy's wisdom to look to. We just want daddy back, with all his laughter, all his wisdom, all his quick witted comments. We miss him soooo much it hurts. But we can't change things. What is that little saying? God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. That is pretty much where we are with momma. Wisdom to know the difference. Until the Lord lays it upon my heart to do something different, mom will stay right where she is as long as she wants it that way. Today, right now, I am at peace with that decision. It is a daily battle not to let Satan, the Father of Lies, whisper fear and doubt into my mind. It is way too easy to have a melt down, worry about momma, and then think, I can fix that, I'll take control, make decisions, that way I won't have to worry about her anymore. But in my heart, I know, that if God does not protect her, we labor in vain. These days, it is relatively easy to keep momma happy. And when momma is happy, everybody is happy. We all have told our kids that from time to time....if momma ain't happy, nobody is happy. If I had not told momma of the breast cancer, she would not have had a melt down, crying for several days, not putting on makeup, not fixing her hair, not even getting dressed out of her housecoat and gown! She would just be sitting in her chair, watching Murder She Wrote, circling words in her word book, and all would be well with momma's world. Which in turn, would carry over into my world, my sisters' worlds, etc. Everyone that lives here, knows how momma is, knows about her "memory issues", and knows the rules. I knew for a while about the breast cancer, and so did lots and lots of people at church. But no one told momma. No one talked about it around momma. They knew. But, just in case, others in the community, like the banker, or checker at Wal-Mart, or whoever, might mention it to mom, I told her. She seemed fine with it, when I told her, and she was for several days after that. I don't even know when the crying started. I don't know if someone talked to her about me, something they said, convinced momma I was dying?? Maybe it was my voice, after the chemo?? I don't even know, but something made her snap. It sent her to a different place in her mind, a pit of depression, that was scary. The chemo did knock me down for a few days, but once I got up, began to move around, my energy came back, and I felt totally normal. I packed a bag, drove to moms, and spent 3 days with her. My main mission was to prove to her that I was fine, I was normal. My voice is normal, my energy is normal, NORMAL. But it was a job, let me tell you. Although, she wasn't crying anymore, she was for sure in lock-down mode. During my time of being "down and out", others had tried to convince her that the best thing to do was to pack up and go to Beck's in Colorado. And apparently, in the trying to convince momma, they had pushed momma past her point of no return. She came out fighting!! No one is going to tell her what to do! No one is going to make her decisions for her! Whoa... OK, momma, just calm down. So, in that 3 days, I let momma make the decisions. I went up on Wednesday. Our dear friend, Bro. Freddie's funeral was Thursday at 1pm, in P'ville, 2 hours from mom's...south. I sat down, and asked mom, when are we going? You want to go this afternoon? tonight? in the morning? Because it doesn't matter to me one way or another. Mom decided, we would go in the morning. As I began to just be there, she was able to see me be normal, therefore, relieving that stress from her. I let her make all the decisions, therefore, she felt empowered again, making decisions again, therefore relieving that stress from her. But I truly did, slowly begin to see momma get more relaxed and begin to calm down. But, I am telling you, it was a job. Even, when I knew the decision wasn't quite the best, or better on time or, whatever. I let her make it. When we left the burial of our dear friend, it was on a small two lane road, hwy 25, Bloomfield MO. According to the map, we could go south, for about 5 miles, then get on a major interstate, and make better time going north back home. But, according to momma, it just didn't make sense to go south, at all, when this map shows this road will come out up around Jackson/Cape Girardeau! So, yep, you guessed it. Picking the battles. I turned left, and we traveled hwy 25, through farm country, sight seeing! The sun was shining, I was on a road trip with my momma! But I decided, at that moment, it was more important to my momma, that she make a decision, and for me to make it look like a good decision!!! A smart decision!! I stayed with her that night, when we got back. Friday morning, we ate breakfast, we watched some TV, and then we got up and got dressed, and went out to do some running. Again, she decided where we went first, second, and third. She would tell me, get in this lane, turn here and you will miss all the lights up there. She was doing fine. Until, at the bank where daddy had a safety deposit box for all the important papers. Momma had gotten some notice that it was $30 for the year, and it was time to renew. While I was over talking to the teller, doing my business, I noticed momma talking to the lady about the safety deposit box. I could hear momma saying, I just need to get in there, get that stuff out of there, I am going to just take it home, and close out this box, what do I need to sign? I looked back around to the teller, who was counting out my cash back, and she said, "do I need to count it again?" She had noticed I was more than a bit distracted, and not paying attention to her counting my cash back, LOL! I said, just put it in the envelope, give it here, I need to go see what is going on over there! So, I joined momma, as she was empting her purse on the ladie's desk, looking for her key to the safety deposit box. "Deb, do you have a key, where is my key?" I said, momma it is on your key ring, for your car keys. I could tell mom was flustered, and therefore, repeating herself alot, and in front of everybody, she was losing it. The bank lady kept looking at me, and with my eyes, I was saying, it's ok, do whatever momma wants. Momma found her keys, and signed the paper, and into the vault we went. I tried to tell her as gently as I could, how important it was to leave these papers here, in a bank, safe. These were important papers, deeds, original copy of the trust, etc. She said, in a very stern voice...."Debra Faye, your daddy is not here, I am. I don't see any need in keeping these here, I can put them in my office and they will be fine and that is exactly what I am going to do." She turned and marched out. I closed the box, took out her key, and followed her over to the bank lady's desk. Momma signed the exit paper, and put her key in her purse. I said, momma, if you are closing this out, then you need to give her your key, you can't keep their key. She tossed/threw the keys to me, and said, take it off of there. I took the key off! I then asked the bank lady, is there any way I can keep that box? She looked down and said, why yes, your name is on here as well. I said, I would like to keep it please, and bring up my stuff and put it in there. She said that will be fine. So, we said our goodbyes, thanked them for their help, and momma and I exited the bank. She put the package in her lap and we drove from there to the next place on the stops for the day. When she got out, she laid that package in the floor and closed the door. I waited in the car while mom went into State Farm, alone to do her business. As we were driving away, towards the next stop, Eagle Bank, mom said, Deb, I can't remember where the bank is, I know where it is, I just can't remember right now. Tell me where it is. I said, momma, it is right down here at the bottom of the hill, you will remember as soon as we get to the stop sign, just relax. What are you stressed about? You know it gets worse when you are stressed, what are you stressed about? She said, I remember! Turn left!! I said, see, when you calm down, you can do it. I again, said, momma, did I upset you in the bank just now? Are you upset with me, did I make you mad at the bank? She said, no, I think I am just worried about doing the right thing. (Bam! it was bothering her. She did it, just because she could. She was making a stand. Not because she thought it was the right thing, just because she was making her own decisions and now she was having second thoughts.) We pulled into the parking lot, I locked my car, and followed her into the next place. While we were standing in line, momma saw someone she knew, so they came over to talk to mom while mom was in line. My phone rang, so I told mom I would wait for her outside, and I walked outside. As I walked to the car, talking to Keith, I sat down in the car to wait for mom. My gaze fell upon the package from the lock box. Instantly, a plan began to form. I picked up the package, and laid it in the back seat. If mom asks me about it, I'll tell her the windows are tinted, and people can't see the back seat, but they could look in and see that package laying on the front seat and we have several stops to make. She came walking out of the bank, walked to my car, got in and we pulled away. She didn't mention the package. From there we went to Wal-Mart for mom's list of groceries. We parked, went in, and began to make our way around the store. I basically just followed mom around. As we were looking for toothpaste, she said, where is the toothpaste, do you know? She was only about one aisle over, but I said, this is your Wal-Mart mom, not mine. Mom quickly saw a blue shirted employee, and said, excuse me, where is the toothpaste? The lady said, next aisle over. Mom thanked her, and wheeled into the next aisle. She said, you stand here by my purse, I'll get the toothpaste. Yes mam. As we made our way towards the grocery side, we passed the coffee. I said, mom, here's the coffee, isn't coffee on your list? She looked at her list, looked at the coffee, said, yes, but I don't want that kind. Okay, I didn't say anything. Just thought, mom, it's Folger's, the same kind of coffee you have been buying for 30 years. But, remember, she is still in the mode of "I'll decide what I want, not you". After we did that a couple more times, about the lunch meat, the cheese, I finally said, mom, I have to go to the bathroom, I think I'll just wait up there by the check out. She said, yea, just wait up there for me by the check out. So, I walked away, and waited up there on the bench by the check outs. Pretty soon, here came mom, and there in her cart, was her Folger's coffee, her lunchmeat, her cheese. What was different? She had decided that is what she wanted, without my help, thank you very much. We checked out, put it in the car, and drove towards her home. We were done with our errands. We talked of weather and sunshine. Once home, we unloaded the groceries. After putting the groceries away, I sat down, and we just chatted about the different things we had done the last 3 days, Mrs. T being a widow like her now, my sister, Beck and her family, just talking. Letting mom lead the conversation. Occasionally, when she got stuck on negative stuff, I would try and change the subject and take it a different direction. After about an hour or so, I said, mom, I need to go, it is already 3:30, and I need to head home. I gave my momma a hug, and left her sitting in her chair, watching the game show channel. When I got in the car, I drove straight back to the bank, and walked in with the package. The bank lady smiled, and said, I knew you would be back with that. I said, well, I didn't know that!! But it worked out, so here I am. I followed her to the vault, put in the key, put the package back in the lock box, and left. That night, when I called my momma, she said, "I keep thinking I left something in your car, but I can't remember what it is now, I'll think of it later." I said, "momma, I think the kids brought everything in, but I'll look in the morning." The next morning, I called her and she said, "I can't find that package I got out of the lock box. Did I leave it in your car?" See, once out of what I have called the 15 minute box, she will begin to remember the events of the day. It may be the next day, but with time, she does recall. She can't tell you what she had for breakfast, or lunch, but that doesn't mean she doesn't eat. It just means she can't remember what it was or if she did. Well, I deceived my mom. When she asked me about the package, I lied to her. I said, mom, it is not in my car. You probably put it in your office. She said, where at in my office? I said, I don't know, I didn't follow you into your office, but you did carry it down the hall and went into your office. Just go in there and look in your files and your drawers. It is bothering me bad. I don't like lying. I don't like liars. I have raised my kids with the story of Ananias and Sapphira....YOU LIE, YOU DIE! But, I have been told, when dealing with alzheimer's patients, it is not considered lying. Sometimes, in order to keep them safe and healthy and happy, you must deceive them from time to time, for their own good. I do attend a Christian Alzheimer's Support Group. Therefore, I am learning how to best help my mom, in a Christian manner. I am learning how others, who are dealing with the same things I am dealing with, do it. Those in my support group, are all at different stages. People way way further down the road than mom, are still living alone, and managing. Because, a big piece of the puzzle with alz people is their perception of safety and security......their home. And it has been proven over and over, when they were removed from their home, from their security, they went to a different level of confusion, and were not able to recover. So, the ALZ Association suggests you do whatever it takes to allow them to remain in their home. Where things are familiar, routine is familiar. When mom is left alone, allowed to make her own decisions, do her own routine, she is way closer to normal. Yes, she still repeats herself over and over. Yes, she still will tell you the same story for the umpteenth time. But mom feels safe and secure. And when she feels safe and secure, when she feels she is still making her own decisions, she is more pleasant to be around. That makes it easier on me, in my efforts to help mom do what she needs done. Three months ago, when I would take mom to Wal-Mart to get her groceries, she would not have a problem with me picking up the coffee and putting it in the cart, no problem at all. She did not perceive it as a threat to her ability to make her own decisions. She did not look at everything as one more step in us trying to take away her independence. But right now, she is looking at everything through that filter. She is feeling very much like she needs to prove to everyone that she is still very much capable of making her own decisions. Which if you analyze that, means, deep down, somewhere, she is still worried about losing her independence. She is very much worried about getting to "that place" where others make all your decisions for you, whether you like it or not. And that is not a place any of us want to be. Although we all know, we all very well might end up there, unless we die instantly. But that means we are OLD!! ELDERLY! And, we all would like to put that off as long as we can. I remember when my Grandma Amy was finally at that point in her life, when she had to go to "the old folks home". She cried. It broke my daddy's heart. She wasn't mean about it, she just cried. But one day, while out on one of the home's outings they took them on, they were all in wheel chairs, lined up at the curb waiting for the bus to come pick them up and take them back to the home. Grandma Amy heard someone say something about waiting for the bus to take them back to the old folks home, and she wheeled her chair around, and moved away from the curb. Someone asked her why? what are you doing? She said, I am going to the Retirement home, not the Old Folks Home, those folks are waiting for a different bus than me. LOL! My Aunts had told her she wasn't in the Old folks Home, she lived in a retirement center, an assisted living center. That was totally different!!! She accepted that, and didn't mind being there. So, it was all in her peception of where she lived. Momma will be difficult, no doubt. But the longer we can keep her routine.........routine, and her peception of independence intact, it will be a much easier road for all of us. Any help with that, I am always open to. Oh, and just a side note, my mission next week? Get my mom to the beauty shop!! She needs a haircut really bad. She keeps saying, this is winter, you need long hair in the winter to keep warm. Hmmmmm, ok. Mom, seriously, you would look so much younger with a shorter haircut. Not to mention the ease of fixing it daily. Of course, now that I typed that, I smile, because I know what your thinking, "she ain't fixing it!!" You gotta love momma. I didn't mean for this to be sooo long, I am sorry. I just seem to have so many feelings and emotions inside me right now, I just needed to share apparently. Sometimes, when I share them with others, they are taken the wrong way. Please, don't let anything I said here today, Lord Jesus, offend anyone, or upset them, or hurt them in any way. I love my momma, and want her happy and healthy, and I may not always make the right decisions when it comes to helping her or taking care of her. Lord, please, you are always with her, even when I am not. I trust you to take care of my momma. Amen

Pray for me folks as I walk this path.