Friday, January 16, 2009
Brrrr, cold outside. With his little fists clinched, and held close to his sides, he is pretending to shiver. That would be my little grandson, Ruger Cole. My son works with my husband in our concrete flat work construction company. Except, of course, when it is 6 degrees outside. This is Friday, and they haven't worked a day this week. My son called this morning, and asked if he could bring Ruger over for a few hours. He was needing to get out of the house, so he and a friend are going to the local indoor shooting range and shoot their bows for a couple hours. When I hung up and told Emma that Ruger was coming over, she squealed with delight! She quickly ran upstairs and changed from her pj's into her sweatshirt and jeans, complete with her socks and boots!! An hour later, Ruger was here. In that hour, she asked every 5 minutes, when Ruger was coming, LOL. Today, I got up, showered, dressed, and fixed my hair. Always before that was such routine. Hardly even gave it a thought. But these days, 16 days into my chemo treatments, when I have been told by the docs that my hair will begin to fall out somewhere around day 15 or so, maybe sooner, maybe later. I find myself scrutinizing my pillow, my hairbrush, my sink drain, etc. Looking for the signs that it has begun. So far, so good, though. It seems to be still hanging on, LOL! And yes, I find myself hanging onto the hope that maybe I won't lose my hair? That makes me feel somewhat vain. So much about this cancer thing in my body is connected to self image. All of this makes me over analyze everything. When people say to me, "you need to concentrate on you, you don't need to worry about all this other stuff, like your mom, or your finances." That is so easy to say. Words. Well, folks, my husband worked a total of 120 days in the year 2008. This economy has definitely affected us, therefore, our finances, and yes, the finances of my son and his wife, not to mention the families of my husband's crew of guys. I know God is in control of that as well. But when creditors are calling and not so gently reminding us that we are past 30 days on this or that, and "is there a reason why you are not able to make your payment?" or "When can we expect a payment?", it just gets frustrating, that's all. And, because we have been self-employed for over 20 years, I am better at it than, say, my daughter-in-law. When I get my focus blurred, I know what to do in order to re-focus. "Keep it spiritual". I put it in my "Jesus box", LOL. I talk to my God about it. It's what I lovingly refer to as exercise for my faith muscle. In our years of being self employed, we have had our faith exercised more than most. And yes, it is a muscle. The more it is exercised, the stronger it gets. Although we have been late many times, we have never had anything repossessed, or never had our electric turned off. So, yes, the Lord has always provided for us. And, we have had exceptionally "fruitful" years. So, it hard for people to fathom how bad this economy is affecting us, when you are driving a 2004 King Ranch Dually 4X4, 4 door truck. We can't be that bad off. Yea, whatever. We have had that for sale many times, no takers. With fuel prices being what they are, not many people are lining up to purchase a diesel truck that gets 12 mpg. So, it stays parked most of the time. But we do live on a farm, so occasionally, we load the bed up with the gas cans, and head to town. And yes, we did use it to haul our bull down to our neighbor's. But this winter will pass, and the grass will turn green again, and my husband will begin to work more often, and things won't be so tight financially. In the meantime, with all my extra doctor's appointments, and stuff going on right now, my husband is available to be with me, and go with me! Go figure!! So, the fact that I am going through all this in the winter, is at the very least, convenient for my husband's work schedule! And, as word is getting out, more and more people are calling to ask "what can we do, if there is anything, just ask". If they are from the Festus-Crystal City-Herky area, I am asking them to go visit my mom, fix food and take it to her house. I can pick it up there, which makes it convenient for them, and gives my mom some company! Thank you Karen and Charlie Vaughn, and thank you Paula Koranda!! Karen and Charlie went by and visited with her, and took her some Circle The Word books. Paula went by and picked her up, took her to lunch at Cracker Barrel, then took her with her to drop off library books, and a couple other errands. Mom got good company, and got out of the house! Today I went to lunch with my friend, Rachel Erbland, from Calvary Temple. We met at her mom's wig shop, Incognito, where they picked out a wig for me, and after sitting and visiting for quite a while, Rachel and I went to lunch with her step mom. It was a wonderful day. Tonight, my daughter, Kate is going skiing with the youth group from FBC Festus-Crystal City! I drove her up to the church, dropped her off, then went to my mom's to spend the evening with her.