Sunday, March 1, 2009
I have an appointment to get my oil changed in the morning at 7am. I plan on being there by 6:30 am, which is the time the service department opens. I want to be the first car in! You see, I am leaving in the morning for another road trip with my mom. Her friends, Thelma that lives in Portageville, and Martha that used to live in Portageville, (back when mom also lived in Portageville), but now lives in Little Rock, have planned this trip. Martha will be coming to Portageville on March 14th. So she decided that now would be a good time for me to bring mom and Thelma to visit her. That way, I would only have to make one trip to Little Rock. When she first called, she was asking if I could bring Thelma and mom on March 8th. That way, they could have a week before her trip to Missouri. Of course, I go for my next chemo on March 4th, so I told her, that won't work for me. I told her, I may could do it before March 4th, but that would mean she has company for 2 weeks. She agreed that would work for her! I said, you call and run it by Thelma and mom, and if they agree, then I'm game. When Martha called me back, she said she had talked to them both and they were both excited! The next time I was up at mom's, she told me Martha had called her, and she proceeded to tell me all about the conversation. She never mentioned a trip! I asked her, mom did Martha mention you coming for a visit? "No, she never mentioned it." Great..... Well, she called me and asked me to drive you down, pick up Thelma, and bring you both to visit her. She told me she had discussed it with you, and you and Thelma had agreed. "Well, I don't remember that." Wonderful. I sat there, and mom began to ask when we were supposed to go, how long we were supposed to stay, etc. I told her what I knew. And, she agreed to all the plans. The only difference is, now, in mom's mind, it's a trip I planned. The other day, when I was up there to work on mom's taxes, mom and I were back in her office, looking for the "important tax documents". Mom kept saying how I didn't need to be working on this now, it is only February, and I just need to put hers to the side, until she could get back there and find everything, get it all together on a day when she has a clear mind. I am working on it, because I know my good days are limited. But I can't tell mom that. While we were back there, the phone rings, and it is my sister, Beck. Thank God!! A distraction for mom. Mom goes in the living room to answer the phone, and sits down to talk to Beck. I keep working, sorting through all the mail, looking for documents I need. While I am in there, I hear my mom telling my sister, "Deb just makes these plans, plans this trip, doesn't even ask me if I want to go, just tells me where I am going, and when. Now don't you go and repeat me." Hello!! I am in the office! I can hear you!! But I kept working, grateful for the distraction, and didn't say a word. While I was in there, I found some bills that should have been paid, but weren't. I gathered them up, and once mom was off the phone, carried them in there for her to write out the checks, and we put them in the mail. Mom gets rattled when she is pushed in any way, and folks, I was pushing. She didn't want me messing in her office, and she certainly didn't want me to tell her these bills were late, and needed to be paid.....today. So, yea, on that day, I was not one of her favorite people. And of course, my sister picked up on the fact that mom was having an "off day". I did call her later and explain that I was there, and I was rattling her, and that I was the reason she was having an off day. Give her a day or two, call her again, and she will be fine. But, in planning this trip to Little Rock, she said to me, "we are taking your car, right?" I said, mom, why, this is your trip. Your car gets better gas mileage. And besides, whenever I take my car, as I have for more than one of our trips, she never even offered to pay for the gas. But, if we take her car, she will offer. With things being so tight around here, I can't afford this trip! I am doing this for mom and Thelma. I don't mind to drive them down there, but I don't think my husband should pay for it. But after several arguments with mom, I have given up. I am taking my vehicle. Once she has her mind made up, there ain't no changing it!! As soon as they are done changing the oil in my burb, we will head down to Portageville, pick up Thelma, and head to Little Rock, Arkansas. We hope to be there in time for supper. I will then drop Thelma and mom off at Martha's, and I will go over to Martha's daughter's house to spend the night. I will get up early next morning, since Pam works, and head back north. I will arrive back home on Tuesday afternoon, just in time for my chemo on Wednesday!! This will be my last round of FEC. I will start my second ARM of chemo on March 25th. That is when I start my weekly treatments of Paxol and Herceptin. This is the clinical trial portion of the treatments. They have used both of these drugs to treat breast cancer, just not together. That is the trial. So, the weekly schedule will be so they can monitor me closer?? I do have to have another heart scan to make sure that all the previous chemo has not damaged my heart in any way, and to reassure the docs that I am still healthy enough to withstand this next round of treatments. There is no way to tell how I am going to respond to these different drugs. No way to predict how the side effects will be. So far, this thing has been doable. The every 21 days has been ok. The first week is hard. The second week is easier. Then the third week is great! Then we go back and start over again. How will I be with weekly treatments?? I don't have a clue. But that is part of the reason why I am pushing to get the tax returns done. I may only have until March 25th. Who knows how I will feel after that? My weekly treatments will continue for 12 weeks, finishing up around June 10th. They have told me that is when we will do surgery, the mastectomy, regardless of what my tests show. Even if all my tests and biopsies come back clear, we will still do surgery. When I go this Wednesday, I will ask them to be more specific about the surgery date. I do have a life outside of this cancer. That life does include other responsibilities, and part of that is my mom. If I am to have major surgery, I am going to need some help with mom. June is not gonna work out for me. I am going to ask if we can move it into July. But, of course, I will listen to the advice of my doctors. But I am going to share with them my other responsibilities. I am so grateful for all of you prayer warriors that are praying for me. I am so grateful for all the cards and letters I am receiving on a daily basis. My church family from Calvary Temple has been so supportive of us down here. My friends have been so supportive and helpful with my mom. Again, thanks guys, I couldn't do all this without all your help and support. Thanks for the food that has been provided for my family. You guys have all been so wonderful. Pray for me as I leave in the morning to drive my mom to Little Rock. It started out that my husband was going with me, but with work being so sporadic now days, I have finally convinced him that I can do this without him. He is going to stay here and work. We need him to work! We need the money!! I will be driving back by myself. A nice long, quiet drive. I think I will enjoy the peace and quiet.