Saturday, March 21, 2009

Yes, I am still alive!! Teehee, it's just that once I crawl up out of the hole that the chemo puts me in, I hit the floor running. Time, anymore, is a precious thing to me, and I feel it has such limits on it anymore. When I feel good enough to do things, I try and get them done. I am aware that things could change any minute, so I don't take my day, well, I don't take any minute I get for granted anymore. I am also aware that there are so many side effects out there that are affecting girls on the very same drugs I am on, and yet, my side effects have been mild so far. For that, I am so very grateful. I do still have a couple sores in my mouth, and for that reason, I am limited to what I can eat. Because they are mild, and not a source of constant pain, I forget sometimes. I pulled into Taco Bell last week, I had the older girls with me, and I order my usual, two hard taco supremes. I took one bite, and was not so gently reminded that I could no longer eat hard crunchy tacos. Owwwwwyyyy!! Kate offered me her soft, but nah. I have always felt like that was like wrapping a piece of bread around taco fillings. Not for me, thank you. Give me good old fashioned crunchy corn taco shells. But, at this season of my life, mostly, I eat pasta alot (Thanks Robin!! It was nummmmy!) I also eat lots of baked potatoes. And because of numerous reasons, (time and energy being at the top of the list) I don't exercise as much as I used to. So, it stands to reason that I am going to gain weight. Ugh!!! At first it didn't bother me, because I kept rationalizing it in my mind. I am going to get sores, and can't eat, so I will lose weight. Or, this is where they will take the excess skin and fat to rebuild me when this is all over. But, the truth is, it is annoying. My jeans are getting tight!! So, I am making it a priority to start walking matter what. I will take the 45 minutes it takes me to walk to the second slab and back. That's the low water bridge a little over a mile down my road, past my house. I have clocked it with my car, and if I walk to the second slab and back, I will have walked a little over 2 miles. It does contain slight elevations, so it is not a flat walk, therefore, it gets my heart pumping!! And, plus, it is a beautiful walk, and once you walk down there, you kinda have to walk back, LOL! When on a treadmill, you can decide, that's enough, I'm done. Not so outside. That's the main reason I prefer outside. I am weak, don't mind admitting that!! I do love the walk down my road. There is very little traffic, and it is quiet, peaceful, and oh so beautiful. Often times, I make the 2 mile walk without any traffic. And no, I don't use an IPOD or any other technology to block out the natural sounds. I usually use that time to talk to the Lord about what is going on in my life. On a good day, I can make that walk in 45 minutes. My goal is to make it in 30. That's about as fast as I want to do it, otherwise, I would be running!! My sister, Becky, is a runner. Not a jogger, a runner. My daughter, Kelly runs every night as well. I am not a runner. I just don't have that desire. I want to get some exercise to keep me healthy, without the danger of me falling, LOL! I do have a praise report here. My mom is again taking the Aricept medicine! It was prescribed to her right after daddy left us, but she only took it for about 3 months, and then decided it wasn't helping, and she wasn't "going to take a pill the rest of her life". So she quit. The prescription expired. When she returned from her visit with her girlfriends in Little Rock, they apparently had helped to convince her that she should be taking it. She even sat there on the swing beside me while I called the pharmacy to see the status of the prescription. They told me it was expired, but that they could call the doctor and get it renewed! I was shocked! "You can do that? And she won't have to go get an examination??" They did it, and it was re-filled, and now mom has a bottle and is taking it. At least, she says she is. I won't know for sure until I go back up there and count them. But hey, that is a huge improvement, and I will take all the positive I can get. For mom to even talk about taking it is huge, much less, saying "Yes, I took it this morning with my toast!" Pray that she will continue to do so! I go next week for my new round of drugs and chemo. Wednesday, the 25th of March, I start my weekly treatments. The following day, March 26th is mom's birthday. As of right now, I am planning to take her out to lunch, probably to Cracker Barrel at the bottom of her hill. Last year, I wanted to take her somewhere else, and she "commented" how everything on the menu was sooo expensive. So, maybe this year, I will just go where I know she "approves" of the menu as well as the prices, teehee. It's her day.

I was supposed to get company this weekend! My sister from Chicago, Lois and her family, was due to come in last nite. Her kids are on Spring Break, and our kids are desperate to spend some time with each other. My kids were all marking x's on the calendar to mark "how many more days until Sullivan's get here?" And my Emma was asking daily, "Is Rachel out of school yet?" But, it was not meant to be, apparently. Lois called on Wednesday night to share that a couple of her kiddos had the sniffles, and not being sure if it was allergies or an infection/virus something something, she was not wanting to bring them here because of the obvious threat to me. But she did say that she had not shared her thoughts with Bryan yet, and he may still come to Missouri. She didn't know if he would come alone, or bring some of the children or what. She would let me know. Thursday, I spent most of the day at Barnes, getting my Muga Scan (heart scan test) in preparation for the next round of chemo drugs. When I got home Thursday night, my kids were all like, "have you talked to Lois? Are they still coming to Missouri? Which kids are sick? Are they leaving the sick ones home and bringing the well ones?" Of course, I didn't know the answers to any of those questions, and they were still putting supper on the table, so I sat down and opened my computer. I noticed Bryan was on-line, so I thought I would just ask him what the plans were, if they had come up with a plan yet. He said..."walking out the door to a school meeting, I'll call you from the car." In the mean time, Keith walked in and sat down on the couch beside me to watch the news. My phone rang, and it was Bryan. It was a short conversation, but the bottom line was....don't know yet. His mom has already taken the days off work Wednesday -Friday, so he felt like they would still come, and as of now, it would be him and all of them. So, us getting any of the kiddos together was not going to be an option. The kids were thinking, if it was the older kids sick, ones old enough to stay home alone, while Lois worked, then maybe getting the girls together, (Rachel, Manna & Becky) would still be an option, but after the short conversation with Bryan, I told the kids it just wasn't going to happen this time. That is the hardest part of this walk I am on, how it also affects my kids and what they are allowed to do. After I hung up the phone, I sat them all down, since they were all hanging around me anyway, waiting on the "verdict", and explained to them how I knew how they were all excited about getting together with their cousins, but at this point in my life, we as adults had to make the hard decisions. Bryan and Lois should not have to leave any of their kiddos home, especially since it sounded like they just had the sniffles, and therefore, that was not a big deal to anyone but me. It was wishful thinking that we would still be able to allow any of you to spend time with any of them. But the truth is, we could not take the chance of bringing any foreign "germs" into my home, because of the time it took for them to germinate into something that may or may not make any of my kids sick next week, being I would be starting new drugs, experimental drugs, and at this point didn't know how it would affect me or my immune system. So, hard choices had to be made, and I am sorry but we had to make smart choices, regardless of how upset it will make you. At this point, there were more important things to consider than "happy children". This too shall pass, and there will be plenty of other opportunities to get together, later down the road. Needless to say, there were lots of sad faces. Oh well. Just another bump in the road........

No comments: