Good Morning folks out there in cyber space! I am here to "eat crow", so to speak. I have said my daddy was a baby when it came to pain tolerance. Let me just say, I got no sleep last nite!! He didn't complain near enough about this port thing!! The more the lidocaine wore off, the more my neck and chest area hurt, where they had placed the port. Actually, it was my neck muscles that were hurting, and only when I used them. Ha! You don't realize how many times your neck muscles flex! Smiling, chewing, laughing, even when you need to "raise your voice" to say something to your teenagers, teehee. My, my, my, this is going to be fun. I can't even grit my teeth, instead of raising my voice. So, hmmm, I just have to say what I need to say in a gentle, quiet spirit. That's going to be uh, hm, different.

I just need to vent a little here. This is Tuesday. Christmas is Thursday. I have absolutely nothing under the tree for my teens!!!!! I did have some things I had bought back in the summer for my little girls, and they have been pulled out and wrapped. But for Ethan and Adam, nothing. For Jessy and Kate, nothing. And, it goes without saying nothing for Nick, Kell and Jen. I have been a bit distracted, and kept thinking, after I'm done with this, or after I'm done with this. I still have time. And after each of the procedures, it took me a day or two before I felt comfortable getting out and navigating the "zoo" that's out there this time of year. My daughter, Kate, works at Wal-Mart. She comes in last nite, after working a 10 hour shift and declares...."I hate Christmas!!" Of course, I said, as strongly as I could without using any neck muscles, "KATE, DON'T SAY THAT!!! YOU DON'T HATE CHRISTMAS! CHRISTMAS IS JESUS' BIRTHDAY!!!". She said, ok, I hate what they have turned Christmas into, can I say that??? There you have it, from the mouth of an 18 year old babe. She is getting to see, up close and personal, what Christmas has turned into. I am torn between, letting Christmas come, without trying to get something under the tree for my kids that are "old enough to understand", or just letting it go. This morning, I am leaning towards letting it go. I still can't turn my head either direction without feeling "pressure", since I can't really label it as pain. Therefore, I don't feel like that is a condition I can drive with. Not to mention, it is drizzling freezing rain and sleet out there. My son, Nick, just called from town to let us know the roads are hazardous, and the crowds are worse! So, I guess, the decision has been made for me. What's there is there, and nothing more.

I think I have Christmas Eve and Christmas Day covered, when it comes to my mom. My husband's family have their get together on Christmas Eve at his mom and dad's house in Festus. Jenna has volunteered to go be with mom on Christmas Eve. She says her and Mike, her boyfriend, will go to Grandma Govero's to make an appearance, then they are going to mom's to cook her dinner on Christmas Eve. Then Mike will leave, and Jen will spend the night with mom. Christmas morning, Mike will return to pick up Jen to have breakfast with his mom and family to watch them open their presents. Then Jen will return to mom's to help her make banana pudding and then bring her down to my house for Christmas Dinner. Then, before dark, return mom back to her house. I say before dark, because mom keeps saying, as long as I am back home before dark. Of course, all this is easily changed by the weather, but at least if the weather turns bad, Jen will be there with mom, and she won't be alone on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day.

Pray for us!!