DAY IN A LIFE

hello all,this is Keith, debs husband.the day is Sunday June 20, fathers day. We are at BJC Hospital in the third day of recovery of reconstruction surgery. Deb is doing much better this morning, took a little nourishment drinking fluids . RN"s plan to set her in chair today. I've pondered a lot of thoughts over the last few days as i watch my bride of thirty years lay in controllable pain. how can one woman withstand so much and still give so much. As most of you know the last 3 years have been a little trying to say the least, filled with hospital visits and hospital stays. Many many trips and countless miles back and forth to hospitals and to loved ones.YET in all that has transpired deb has never lost her focus on the task at hand, always ready to be there when needed, sacrificing her own children's time and mine to be there for her mother or who ever is in need. and her children will call her BLESSED. I sometimes wonder where she gets the strength, i am reminded of her constant faith,unwavering faith in our LORD JESUS CHRIST. I know that our time to enjoy is coming . It"s been awhile since we got to enjoy time off . As you probably know deb spent her birthday cleaning her mothers garage out so the termite man could drill through the concrete to treat the house every 14 inches, all day long. June 7, Monday,our 30 year anniversary she drove her mother to Memphis then over to little rock to spend time with old family friends, came back on Friday in time to take her to the doctors for mammogram got back to the farm on Saturday, June 12 left for hospital wed. June 16, really don't know how she has time for it all. she always says you have to make time and make it a priority. So here we sit and lay on fathers day enjoying each others company even if its in a hospital room in the middle of the city. we don't get to choose our paths sometimes we just walk the path that the lord lays before us . My thoughts and prayers go out to all those who cannot grasp the whole concept of true servant hood. Giving of yourself and your time when its inconvenient not convenient,sacrificing your own true enjoyment to give enjoyment to the less fortunate. sacrificing, do we really know the true meaning ,I know my wife does, I see her push her self to the limits all so often,I can stand by her and support her as i always have and always will. WHERE THE LORD GUIDES THE LORD PROVIDES''

Processing lots of stuff these days...

I signed on and was surprised to see that I had not been on here since March. Life has been so incredibly busy. On March 15, I had my port removed. On March 17, my mom had a fainting spell at church while at her Wednesday bible study. On March 18, I took her up to Excel Imaging to have an ultrasound done to check for blockages in her veins that might be a contributing factor to these dizzy spells. On March 19, her neurologist called and suggested we add another drug (Trileptal) to her prescriptions. On March 20, I moved up to mom's so that I could watch her for any reactions to this new drug. I figured I needed some quite time to work on her tax return anyway, so I packed a bag and moved up there. It also was spring break for the Sullivan kiddos, so they came to my house for their spring break! On Monday, my sister Lois came to mom's to join us. Mom kept asking me how I was coming on the tax returns and why don't I take a break and come join them, so eventually I just closed up the laptop and went and sat outside in the swing with them. We did lunch with mom's friend from House Springs, and mom really seemed to be having a good time. Not long after we laid down to bed on Tuesday night, Lois stuck her head in the bedroom telling us that she was heading up to pick up my sister Becky from the St. Louis airport! Beck had been somewhere to watch her daughter play volleyball for her school, and because of a huge snowstorm in the Denver area, her flight had to be re-routed! Woohoo! So, it took an act of God, but all three of mom's girls were there with her for her birthday! Beck and Lois arrived at mom's a little past midnight, and were leaving the next morning by 9:30 a.m. I don't mind telling you, I was hoping for a little longer lay-over, but it was nice that momma got to see them and spend some time with them both. Then we made it through Palm Sunday and Easter, got mom started on Meals on Wheels program, and finished up the tax returns and got them in the mail. On April 20, while up there to get her grass mowed, we found termites. We made the appropriate phone calls to get someone over there to inspect and confirm, and yes, it was confirmed. He did a walk through of the basement to make sure there were none on the inside, and there were not, thank God! There was some damage to a door frame on the outside of the basement, but that was minor. We made the appointment to have her house sprayed on May 12th, the soonest he could come. After giving me the instructions to have her garage cleaned out, everything away from the walls before he returned, we made the appointment. April 22, mom had another doctor's appointment, that was just a check-up to make sure everything was fine. They doubled her Aricept and her seizure meds based on their assessment after giving her the MM test again. She is now on 10 mg of Aricept once a day, 1000 MG of Keppra twice daily, and 300 mg of Trileptal twice daily. We keep her pills in a pill box with the days of the week to help her know if she has taken them or not, and Kelly makes sure she gets the morning dose before she leaves for work and I call her around 5ish and remind her to take the evening pills. Sometimes Kelly has to work until closing (8pm) and mom will go to bed before Kelly gets home. Other than the Dementia issues/Alzheimer's issues, mom is doing great. She is still considered to be in Stage 5, with some days (her off days) some issues that are considered to be Stage 6. You can read through the stages on www.ALZ.org But most days, she is a solid Stage 5.

That's a quick update on my life with my momma. The update on my cancer walk has been pretty much normal until this week. I have enjoyed having a life that resembled my normal before cancer life. My energy level is still not what it was before cancer, but I am getting there. It has been 6 months since I finished my last radiation treatment. It has been 3 months since I got my port removed. So, without the regular trips to Barnes, I have fallen into the feeling "I am done". And, with that feeling, I began to feel good about continuing on with the "next thing". That next thing is re-construction. I thought I was ready enough to go to my doctor appointment by myself. Bad decision. I took two of my daughters, Jen and Jess, and of course, my grand baby, Quincy. They sat out in the waiting room, which put me in there alone, with the doctor that was giving me a run down of all the procedures that this would entail, as well as all the worst case scenarios. The more he talked, the more light headed I got, and it wasn't long before I was feeling the intense need to lay on the floor and feel the cool tile against my face. I told the doctor I just wanted to sign the consent form and leave. I had told him what I wanted, based on my research, made sure he understood that, and said where do I sign. He said, no way, that I needed to take it home, think about it, look it over with my husband, and fax it back to him. This was a huge surgery, and possibly life threatening and not to be taken lightly. It was not a "boob job". He said, he does those, and most of those girls return to work rather quickly. But reconstruction after mastectomy was a totally different animal, and involved severed veins, damaged veins, brittle bones from radiation, damaged skin, etc. Veins, arteries, important issues, these things would need to be moved around, reattached in other places to make sure that adequate blood supply was in place in order for tissue and other things to be able to survive. It is a 6 hour surgery. I should plan to be in the hospital for a minimum of 4 days, some require a week long stay. I need to report for surgery at 5:30 am the day of surgery, with nothing to eat or drink after midnight the night before. This surgery is a standard 6 weeks recovery, and I should expect to walk like "an old man", hunched over for at least a couple weeks, maybe longer. Lots and lots of details that I won't share here, but suffice it to say, I was feeling more than a little nauseated. What was I thinking?? I don't know why I thought I was "ready" for this. I came out of that office, trying not to run down the hall, down the stairs, and across the parking lot to my car. I wanted to be home, sitting on my deck, watching my birds, listening to my kiddos play in the yard....I wanted to be HOME. I know, I know that God is in control, and that God's got this, and I have faith He will see me through all of this, but I was feeling like a big fat human being, with a whole bunch of emotional hormones running rampant. I felt like that Amy Grant song..."they don't know that I go running home when I fall down". I wanted to run home. I called Keith, met him at the parking lot of the local gas station, and just cried as he wrapped his arms around me right there on the parking lot. It's not over, by a long shot. More surgery, more drains, more pain, more recovery, more bed time, more down time, more "he maketh me lie down" time. I will get through this, I will, with God's help.

Finally, a light at the end of the tunnel....

I am sitting at Barnes, in the Infusion room, in a recliner. Today, as this Herceptin is being pumped into my veins, through my port, I am having all kinds of emotional feelings. Today, is my last Herceptin treatment. As I walked the familiar walk from the garage, this was on my mind. As I walked the familiar path to the elevators of the Siteman Cancer Center, this was on my mind. As my emotions were running wild, trying to process all that has happened to me in the past 18 months, it sometimes just overwhelms me. As I walk, I notice all the people that are coming and going, everyone has their own "normal" routine. This routine has been my "normal" for so long. I know, 18 months is not really "so long". That amount of time is but a vapor in this life. But this walk, this path, that I have been on, has been harder than I had thought it would be. Emotional roller coaster, definitely. Cancer seems to cause everyone to re-evaluate their life's direction. As my circumstances began to consume more and more of my time and attention, it caused me to constantly lose sight of who was in control. In one of my devotions last week, or maybe it was a couple of weeks ago, it was talking about how your biggest "danger was worrying about tomorrow. If you try and carry tomorrow's burdens today, you will stagger under the load and eventually fall flat. You must discipline yourself to live within the boundaries of today." There's wisdom there, folks. I need to stop judging and evaluating myself. That's not my job. I need to stop comparing myself to others. This will produce either feelings of pride, or inferiority; sometimes a mixture of both. And both are wrong and meaningless. When I first started out on this path, this personal path of cancer, the future was scary. When we try and think about the future, no wait, lets call it what it is, WORRY about the future, we are showing our rebellion towards God. We are taking those things that belong to God, and trying to manage them ourselves. The future belongs to God. All we have is today, there is no promise of tomorrow. It is a constant battle for me to look at today, not tomorrow, or next week...TODAY. If I start to look at the future, I get anxious. That should be the red flag that stops me from thinking about the future!! God is God and I am not. I am trying to train myself to always be THANKFUL. If God is putting something in my path, I should be THANKFUL for it. There is a purpose for it, HIS purpose. If I am not seeing my faults, God has a way of putting some person or some situation in my path that brings out that fault, in living color, so that I have to deal with it. I need to be THANKFUL for the opportunity to deal with it, so that I can try and become the person God wants me to be, minus that part of my personality that hinders that. "We all have issues" is a commonly used phrase to stop us from actually doing something about our issues. Yes we do all have issues. But, as Christians, we should be actively trying to change to be better people, better Ambassadors for Christ. We should make it our passion to make people want the Christ we have. They should see something about us that is different, something about the way we handle life, that makes them wonder what we have, what helps us cope. That could open up an opportunity for us to tell them about our faith, about our relationship with Jesus. I admit, there have been times when I have fallen way short of that goal. There have been times in my life where I am sure people walked away shaking their heads at me, thinking they didn't want anything I had. But, God is a loving and forgiving God, and knows where I have been, and knows where He is taking me. He knows how far I have come, and how far I still have to go, before I even get close to where He needs me to be. The key is to stay focused on God, stay thankful for all He puts in my path to get me there. Stay focused on the fact that everything He does is for my good, but more importantly, for His glory. Understanding is not a requirement. FAITH is a requirement. One foot in front of the other, walking, trusting, leaning, holding onto....GOD. I don't need to know the plan. I know the one who is in charge, and I know He loves me, and I trust HIM. Lord help me to not only be able to say that, but to live my life in a manner that shows that.

I have been going back and forth with emotions these days. Ok, not even "back and forth", more like all over the map. So, is it the drugs I am still on for the Cancer? Is it a symptom of menopause? Is it part of the everpresent grief process? Is it a symptom of my life? We as Christians are not supposed to be depressed. We are supposed to always show the joy of Jesus. Don't get me wrong here. I do have the "joy, joy, joy, joy, down in my soul." But, there are days that I allow the circumstances of life bump my focus. I should not allow that, I know. I need to get more in the Word, listen to more Christian music, but life keeps getting in the way of that too! I have been talking "at" the Lord a lot lately, and I know I need to do more "listening" for direction. That's the trouble. I know what I need to be doing, I know the right things to do, I just am not doing them. That makes all this even worse. "There are no good decisions, just decisions." We as Believers, we have all the head knowledge we need. Most of the time, we even have the heart knowledge we need. It is the application of all that knowledge that seems to make life a bit tricky. It is not enough to say we believe God is in control. What should set believers apart is how they live their life. Do we actually live our lives as if God is in control? I remember when I found out that I was pregnant with my Emma Jean. She was baby number 10. I was 46 years old, and my "baby" was 5 years old. Enough time had passed since my last pregnancy, that I had already dealt with the mixed bag of emotions that came with being too old to birth anymore babies. Whether or not I wanted anymore children, is not the point. I had accepted the fact that I was too old to have anymore children. When I knew that I was indeed pregnant, and was going to have another baby, I had a flood of emotions. The main one was fear. Fear of birthing a baby at 46 years old. Fear of what people would say when they found out that we were going to have another baby. I shed some tears, I'm not going to lie. And what my husband Keith said to me was "God is in control. Either you believe that or you don't. And if you do, then why are you crying? You can tell people we are going to have another baby, when you can tell them without crying." I was scared! I let fear get the best of me. I let the fear of what other people think of me get the best of me. I let circumstances that were scary, shake my belief, or my confidence, in who is in control. I know better than that. I was raised better than that. Not only did I live with parents who set a very high mark and lived a good example, but since my marriage to my husband, we have developed a very strong faith muscle of our own. Every child has to develop his or her own Christianity, their own faith. When Keith and I were expecting our second child, Kelly Rene, the factory where Keith has worked since he was 18 announced they were closing their doors. Keith's dad worked at that factory. His grandpa had worked at that factory. It was a huge employment provider for this area. But here we were, with one child and one child on the way, and faced with unemployment and cancellation of our insurance. Even after the company offered him various positions within the company, in other locations, we prayed about it, and Keith felt very strongly that God was going to take care of us, and something else would turn up.....in Festus. He did not feel at peace with accepting the employment if it meant we would be moving our family away from Festus. Lots of years later, lots of faith trials later, and I am still letting circumstances fill me with fear. God has always, always been there for me. He has never let me down. Yet, like the Israelites, when trials come and make life hard for me, I doubt Him. After all He has done for me. It is so frustrating. When does Christian maturity come? How old will I be when I am mature in the faith? Will I ever be? I have received the news that a very dear friend that was in a car wreck about a month ago, has gone home to be with Jesus. She was my age. She was a good friend. I loved her.

Hello people! I realize I have not written anything on here in over a month. I am so crazy busy. I did have a wonderful Christmas with all my family here. My momma even agreed to come down and spend the night at my house on Christmas Eve, so that my daughter Kelly could be with us on Christmas morning. That was a first! We were all so thrilled and excited. It does make things easier when mom is agreeable and "goes along with the plan". That is getting less and less these days. As mom progresses in this disease, she gets more and more adamant about doing things her way. "You have to use this door, not that door, to go in and out of my house." "You need to wrap up the baby this way BEFORE you put her in her car seat." "You need to turn up here and take this road, it will be faster." Creative re-direction is the tool of choice these days.

I am still traveling back and forth to do my Herceptin treatments every 21 days. I got a letter in the mail Monday, telling me that my recent bloodwork pathology showed that I was extremely low on my Vitamin D levels. Normal readings should be around 40-50, and mine were 14! So, they put me on prescription level Vitamin D. You can buy 1000 iu over the counter. I need 50,000 iu weekly, minimum. So they gave me 50,000 iu pills to take once a week in addition to the over the counter ones I am taking. The fatigue is still annoying me. I still manage to push through my day and get my stuff done, but by dark-thirty, my mind is gone, and I can barely make a clear thought, much less a coherent conversation. And emotional? Geez, I am so emotional these days, if you look at me with your mean face, I will more than likely cry! I will try and explain to you through my tears that I am ok, and just to give me a minute, but still....will cry. I try and get all my emotional stuff out of the way in the mornings. But, occasionally, something will sneak up on me, and bam....my focus is whacked. Once I get a good night sleep, I am much better in the mornings! I am asking for prayer, as there are many issues I am facing at this time. So many that to try and put them into words would just make me cry, and then I would not be able to finish this, so just move me up to the top of the prayer list, please. God knows what the needs are, and God answers prayer. I know this to be true, which is why I am asking all my prayer warriors out there to pray on! I need to be held up in prayer, as Satan is attacking with the big guns. My daddy used to say, our biggest weakness, is an unguarded strength. Well, something I had always thought was strong, has recently been attacked, and I need some serious prayer from serious Christian believers. Thanks, in advance.....

Hey there folks! I sure hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving! Mine was full, LOL, in more ways than one. I have been hosting the big meal at my house for many years now. This year, my sister, Lois, and her family joined us again. They live in Chicago, so it is easier for them to join us in Missouri for the holidays. Especially, since Bryan, my brother-in-law's family lives in Missouri as well. I was very blessed to have all 10 of my children join us as well. Plus, as in year's past, we had a few additional guests. Those of you with teens, know that they usually have some of their friends come as well. And this year was no exception. For those of you who need to know a head count, let me help you out. There were twelve "original" Govero's, my daughter-in-law and grandson (13-14), my daughter Kate's boyfriend (15), my daughter Jenna's fiance (16), three additional friends (17-19), my mom (20), my sister's family (21-28). Yep, we had 28 people for Thanksgiving dinner! And believe it or not, we had food left over, LOL! I am pretty sure everyone had a good time. After the big meal, some retired to the couches to just relax, while some went outside to work off some of the calories they had just consumed. There were basketball games, football games, and some just riding four wheelers all over the farm, enjoying the beautiful day we had.

The day before Thanksgiving, I was at Barnes, getting my Herceptin treatment. There is a rumor going around that I am done with all my treatments. Well, I am not exactly done. It is winding down, yes, but won't be done for a while yet. I still have to have Herceptin treatment every 21 days through March, 2010. In May, I will begin the process of re-construction. Sometime after March, I hope to have this Porta-cath removed. But, for now, my burns from radiation are all healed up. I still am carrying around the extra weight gain that comes from Herceptin. As of this writing, I have gained 21 extra pounds since this journey began. I can barely contain my excitement at that knowledge. Can't wait to see what the final total will be, considering I have 3 more months of this Herceptin treatment. Trying to make me feel better, my plastic surgeon told me that "don't worry, we will need all that extra flesh to re-build you later". I am still trying to feel better about that. I just keep telling myself, "this too shall pass", and someday, this will all be behind me, and I will again, be my normal self, with my new normal body. My hair is growing back too! It is now long enough to actually curl with a curling iron, and this week, I have actually used hair spray again! Geez, the things that excite me now days. I am still working on getting rid of the fatigue that is also a side effect of all the stuff I have been through. I walk a little more each day, but I am still not up to my 2 miles I was doing.

Now that I have you all caught up on the Thanksgiving stuff, and the cancer stuff, I want to vent a little. Bear with me here. Has anyone else noticed all the stuff going on in this world these days? Satan is alive and well on this planet earth, and walking to and fro, seeking whom he can devour. The blatant sin around me these days never ceases to amaze me. Nobody seems to fear God anymore. Even though the bible clearly states in Hebrews 12, how God will punish His children, people just keep on living in sin, daily, as if there is no God. Now don't get me wrong. I know that the Bible also says we all sin. But the Bible also tells us to "go and sin no more". So, as Christians, we should at least be TRYING not to sin, TRYING to live a Godly life, TRYING to show the world there is something different about a follower of Christ. When a Christian sins, there should be remorse, we should feel bad! We should try harder, do better. But daily I get news that breaks my heart. News that yet another "believer" has fallen, or worse, walked away from their faith. They have decided that "it is just not worth fighting anymore". "life is too short", or "I deserve to be happy". People just aren't willing to do the hard things anymore. If it is hard, they walk away. Marriage is hard. My mom and dad were married over 55 years. Keith's mom and dad have been married 62 years! At the rate that this generation is going, not to mention the younger generation, I doubt seriously that will be found in a few years. Give it 10 years, and people who are willing to do whatever it takes to stay married, will be hard to find. It is way too "acceptable" to live together without benefit of marriage. It is way too acceptable to have a baby, without being married. "bastard n. A child born out of wedlock." Yea, that's in the dictionary! Hmmm, does that mean the dictionary is a "religious book"? Because to get married before you have a child, well, that's just some religion telling you what to do. Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." Hebrews 13:4 That's Bible, people! I know people in their 70's, that are living together without getting married, because "she would get her social security cut in half if we get married!". I know people who are struggling financially, and their answer is not "for richer for poorer". It is, "I can do better than this. I am gonna divorce you, go out, get me a job." It is the same line Satan has been feeding people for years....the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. If marriage gets hard, lets throw in the towel, go our separate ways, and ignore the fact that we stood before God and VOWED to each other. We made commitments to each other, in front of witnesses! And this generation that we are raising up now, watching all this, are gonna grow up seeing, words are just words....empty promises. People will say anything, in the heat of the moment, to get what they want. But they will not stick to their word. There is no honor anymore. There is no character. It is hard to find anyone under the age of 30 who is willing to do hard things, and walk the walk of a "disciple of Christ". I know they are out there! I have friends that are doing it! But I am sure they are feeling like the lone ranger. You can always find a huge support group for sin! But finding a "support group" for those that want to go against the grain, stand up for Christ, do Godly things, make Godly choices, come what may? That is harder to do. Too many people let money dictate their morality. Let their friends' opinions, dictate what they will or will not do. Not many are willing to do what looks good in God's eyes. Do what God wants them to do. That would just be hard, it would cost them something! My daddy used to call it "cheap grace". They profess faith, if it's easy. But if it costs them anything, well, let me think about it. Today, the Bible Study I went to, was out of the text Hebrews 12. We jumped around to Romans as well. It was about how to live for Christ in stressful times. Yea, I needed to hear that!!!! I am not the only one, I am sure. Stress is all around us. Satan is attacking every single family I know right now. Some are suffering financially, some have children that are walking away from the faith of their families, thumbing their noses at God! Some have thrown in the towel on their marriage, saying "they're done!". The constant stress and frustration causes many Christian parents to feel like failures. They pour their life into their children. Try to raise them in Christian homes, take them to church, teach them about the Bible, teach them about Christ, and yet, as soon as they get their own "freedom to make my own choices", they don't live Christian lives. The choose sin. They no longer attend church. They move in with their boyfriends/girlfriends. The Bible says, "train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it." OK, so, I keep telling myself, my children are not old.......yet. My prayer this week, is for Christians to stand up and do the right thing, the Godly thing. Even if it costs them something......even if it hurts.

I admit, because I post on Facebook alot, I sometimes forget that some people don't participate in the social network system. And then, I get an email that gently reminds me that some people are just wondering how I am doing. I am finished with my daily trips to Barnes for radiation treatment therapy. I am burned to a crisp. It didn't start to get bad until the last week. And although they warned me that the skin would continue to burn, even after the radiation was completed, I guess I didn't believe them! But yes, after a week, it seemed to be getting redder and redder. It was actually getting worse, even though I was done! And, I am burned on my back, because some of the rays apparently go all the way through my body. So to say I am burned "through and through" would not be an understatement. But, the team at the Radiation department have been very good with giving me the tools I need to try and be comfortable. I am using a creme called Aquafor. When that didn't give me much relief, they gave me some stuff called Sulfur something. Oh well, this too shall pass. I finally read somewhere on one of the breastcancer.org sites, that I should use those non-stick pads, and wrap myself after applying the ointments. And surprisingly, it has given me some relief. I still can't wear the appropriate clothing, but I have decided to take a week or so off from my normal running here and there to allow my body some time to heal. Which is good, considering I have caught some kind of virus. I went to the Beth Moore conference with the ladies from FBC-Festus last Friday and Saturday. Then on Sunday morning, I went to church with my family and my mom. Then Sunday afternoon, I attended a baby shower given in honor of my daughter Jenna. Somewhere in all that, I caught something. By Wednesday night, I was running a fever of 102. I called my Oncologist, and they called in a prescription for me. Right now, I am low on infection fighting cells, so they are not taking any chances. And with deer season in full swing, all my "big people" are gone to the deer woods. So, here at home, it is just Kim, Kassy and Emma and of course, me. So, with that said, it is now time for me to finally lay on the couch for some much deserved down time. My girls are thrilled with pot pies, frozen pizza, and Ramen noodles! Keith was having a hard time trying to decide whether or not to leave me laying on the couch and go off to deer camp with his buddies. I encouraged him, go on, I'll be fine. I need to lay on the couch for a few days. Really, I'll be just fine. So, on Wednesday afternoon, he left, with Adam, Jessica and Ethan. I truly intended to not leave the farm. Really, I did. But, after a couple conversations with my mom, I felt the need to drive to Festus on Thursday. Mom did not go to Bible Study on Wednesday, again. She said it was because there was no gas in her car. She said, "I went and got in the car, but my gas tank said empty! So I just got back out of the car and came back inside. I don't know what happened to all my gas!" Well, I loaded up my girls and headed up there to see what was going on. Once I got there, I got her car keys and said, let's go see what's going on mom. As soon as I got in the car, sure enough, gas hand was on E. But once the key was inserted, and turned, it jumped up to Full. I carefully explained that to mom, and she seemed to understand. We went back inside and after chit chat, I decided to leave the girls there with mom while I did some running. Once that was done, we had lunch, and I loaded up the girls and we came back home. I have been here ever since. Yes that's right. I left the house on Thursday, but not since. I have been taking it easy here on the farm. Of course, Keith had called in re-enforcements. Jenna and Galina came in on Friday. They were here all day on Friday, and stayed until dark. Jen had to be back at work on Saturday morning, so she left sometime Friday night to go back to the city. Kell came in on Friday night sometime, because when we came downstairs Saturday morning, there was Kell, asleep on the couch. And, although she was off and running around today, she said she is coming back here tonight to sleep, and plans to hunt in the morning. Yes, I have red-neck girls. Oh yea, Keith called this evening, and says he got an 8 pt buck! I didn't ask how big or anything, because I just don't care, teehee. Meat in the freezer is all I care about! I told him how Emma was now sick, and has a fever of 103, but that I am able to control it with Ibuprofen. She goes from laying on the couch, sick and whining, to sitting up, and walking around playing, depending on where in the cycle of time she is. I hope this thing doesn't make it's rounds through my whole family!! Thanksgiving is coming! I am also coming up on my one year anniversary of when I started walking this cancer path of my own. Last year, I put my mom on the plane to Colorado for Thanksgiving on November 16th, and as soon as I put her on the plane, I drove straight to the clinic for a check-up. I knew when I went that they were going to tell me I had cancer. Well, I can't say I knew, but I suspected they would. I had already been on the Internet, and done my own checking. Sure enough, they set me up with an appointment to go to Barnes for a "diagnostic mammogram". The rest, shall we say, is history. It has been a long year filled with 24 weeks of chemo therapy, followed by a right side mastectomy in June, and finishing up with 6 weeks of radiation treatments. This whole thing has changed my perspective on so many levels. I used to say, "pick your battles". Now days, I have come to be even more picky on what I am willing to battle for. Family has become even more important to me than I could imagine. Making memories seem so much more precious. Time is something you truly don't get back, and you don't get "do overs". I want to live my life pleasing to my Lord. I want to live my life in a manner that honors my Lord. I know there are days I fall short of that goal, but that is still the goal. I will press on towards the mark. I want to run the race, I want to finish the race. I want to love my kids and my husband, and my grand kids! I want to make smart choices and decisions. I want to set a good example for my girls of how to be a Godly woman as well as a Godly, submissive wife. I want to live like I was dying, but live a life of decency and honor. I am glad to be married to my husband. I love him with all my heart, and he is a good man. I am honored that he loves me and makes me feel that I am the center of his world. I love that he is "into me". He makes me laugh, and he makes me cry, and in the course of our 29 years together, I am sure I have been so mad at him I could spit. But, I wouldn't change one thing about him. He is the love of my life. I am blessed. God has richly blessed me with my family. Words cannot express it properly.........