Friday, July 31, 2009
I need to start this out by apologizing to my sisters. I used this blog to "vent" my frustrations, and portrayed them in a bad light. I let Satan, who roams about seeking whom he can devour, have a victory. I am ashamed of my bad behaviour. My sisters love my mom every bit as much as me, and want only the best care possible for her, as do I. Although we have differing opinions on how that should be done, it should in no way hamper our relationship with each other, but more importantly, it should NOT hamper our relationship with our Lord. We are Christians, first and foremost, sisters in the Lord. I have shared that my prayer, in the past few weeks has been changed from "Lord please don't let this happen, or that happen", to "Lord, help me be content to drink from whatever cup you sit before me". I am weak, and in the stress of the past few days, I failed miserably. I have not acted Godly at all. I am sure I damaged my Christian witness. I am not making excuses for my behaviour. I accept the responsibility, and the accountability. I am accountable for my actions, and I am grateful when I am held accountable. It is a painful process when we are held accountable by other Christians, but the end result should always be restoration and reconciliation. That is my prayer, for myself, today. That I have not damaged the relationship far beyond their ability to forgive me. It is not enough to be held accountable. We, as Christians, must not look at that as an attack, but as someone trying to correct our very un-Christian like behaviour. It also is not enough to be called on the carpet, if we are unwilling to make the appropriate changes in our behaviour, so that others can see that there is not only repentance and remorse in our bad behaviour, there are changes in our behaviour. We do live in this world, and therefore, it is good to say, I have repented, and asked forgiveness from both the offended party, and my Lord, but it is also good that those that were a witness to that ungodly behaviour, see that change is being made. I am going to step up my game in that area. As my sister shared with me, some sin is easy to say no to. We are Christians, and it is easy for us to turn and walk away, and say, no way, not me, not ever to some sin. But there are other sins, those that "easily ensnare us", that we get sucked into in the blink of an eye. My daddy used to say, that our greatest weakness, is an unguarded strength. So, just about the time I begin to feel safe in my Christian walk, BAM, along comes bitterness and strife. I was not guarding that well enough. But once again, my focus has been restored, and I am asking you to join with me in prayer to once again, hold me up with your prayer support. Life is full of stress and pain. But misery, is optional. Please, pray that the relationships that were damaged will be not only restored, but this stressful time in my family will bring us closer together as a family so that we are able to work together as a team to help make my momma safe and comfortable. Please pray that our behaviour will bring honor to not only God, but to my momma, and my daddy's memory. This is a hard time, with hard decisions that have to be made. Hard for my momma to accept, and hard for me to watch her deal with the changes.