I hate to keep harping on the fact that my surgery is in like, 8 days, and I still do NOT have a peace about it at all, but here I am again. I have told the "powers that be" that I do not want expanders, and I even put it in writing, sent an email, and expressed my concerns. I figured, that way, I have a written, dated record of my preferences. Apparently, they took my case before something referred to as the "tumor board" and discussed it at length. Then, at my appointment on Wednesday told me that their recommendations were that I have an expander put in at the time of the mastectomy. I guess the only way I am going to get out of having the expander is to say, in no uncertain terms, I am not having reconstruction at all, ever. I have read until I am dizzy. And, to top it off, Tuesday, when Keith and I were at Barnes getting all the Pre-testing done, Keith ran into our neighbor! Seriously, our neighbor that lives not 5 miles from us, was up there because his wife, who had a double mastectomy, with expanders put in, (by the same plastic surgeon as I will be using!) was there because she had developed an infection from the expanders and was there getting them taken out! How's that for getting your attention! Today as I was reading and researching, again, I ran across this little bit of info. I thought I would include it:
But many women decide against reconstruction for positive reasons.
They're strong women who don't feel their breasts define their identity.
They're confident women who know they can look great in clothes without showing lots of cleavage.
They're active women who want to continue exercising without any restrictions.
They're mature women who understand that love of spouses, friends, and family isn't dependent on having breasts.
There just is so much information out there, supporting both sides of this decision, and for many various reasons. And for those of you that are thinking, I should do what my doctors tell me, that is part of the problem. I have more than one doctor, and each one has a different opinion of what I should do. My Oncologist (Doctor Number 1) has said that he thinks I should deal with the cancer first, and I can always come back and do reconstruction later on down the road. The breast surgeon (Doctor Number 2) doing the mastectomy says that it is easier to do reconstruction at the same time as the mastectomy, while the skin is normal, and therefore stretches easier, before radiation. The plastic surgeon (Doctor Number 3) agrees with him. But both Doctor Number 2 and Doctor Number 3 agree that radiation limits your chances for an appealing outcome. And since, at this point, we don't know whether or not they are going to recommend radiation, I am leaning towards Doctor Number 1. Is it too late to call them and say, I am not going to have reconstruction surgery? It is a week from tomorrow! Talk about rocking the boat! But, I do not have a peace about this and until I do, I can't even think about the mastectomy, much less the reconstruction and the many different ways of reconstruction. I hate confrontations, I really do, but this is my body, and this is a life changing surgery I am about to have done! Not only will it change and affect my life, but my husband's as well! My husband keeps telling me it is my decision, and he will support me in whatever I decide. It is just such a hard decision to make. It is a decision I wish I didn't have to make, but I do, and I am running out of time to make it! I am gonna ask all you prayer warriors out there to pray specifically for me to have the wisdom to make the right decision. And not only that, that the Lord will give me the peace that passes all understanding, once the decision is made. Ready? Set.....PRAY!!!!!! (Thanks guys!)