Praise God from whom all blessings flow! I am scheduled for a single mastectomy in the morning. As some of you know, I have been involved in many discussions with my surgeons regarding reconstruction, and the timing of reconstruction. I have met with the plastic surgeon, the mastectomy surgeon, and the oncology surgeon. They all have differing opinions because of their different expertise and concerns. My oncologist said, "I am on a time clock, I am dealing with cancer. They are not, they are sculptors, basically. I would prefer to deal with the cancer first, let your body heal, then somewhere down the road, you can make these decisions regarding what type of reconstruction and when to have the reconstruction. So, that is what I have been going with. I even put it in writing, no immediate re-construction, in an email to my oncologist, and asked them to forward it to the other two surgeons, since I did not have their email. Apparently, that didn't happen. This morning, Dr. Gillanders' office called to confirm my surgery for tomorrow, and to go over instructions again (nothing to eat after midnight, be here at 6 am in the morning, etc.). When she got to the part about "Do you have any questions?". Again, I questioned her about the expanders, and tell me again why I need those put in now, at the same time as the mastectomy. She said, "Aren't you having immediate reconstruction?" Uh, noooo. I told Dr. Tung that I wanted a DIEP Flap, later down the road, after my body healed from the mastectomy and lymph node intrusions. And that I had also shared with Dr. Tung, that I did not ever want implants of any kind. He had examined me, and confirmed that yes, I was a candidate for a FLAP reconstruction. But that he was uneasy about the radiation. So, I told him then, the decision was not to be made until we knew about radiation. He agreed, or so I thought. I asked her what the report said. She said, it says here, immediate reconstruction with expanders. I asked her, are the expanders to keep my skin stretched in case I have to have 6 weeks of radiation? She said, well, not really. The expanders have more to do with your reconstruction, but if you are not having implants, then you are right, you don't need expanders. I said, well, I know I don't know all there is to know about all this, but I have not had a peace about the expanders at all. But nobody was listening to me. So, I finally just gave up, and kept walking the path they wanted me to walk. But yes, emotionally, still a wreck. Why could I not get a peace about all this? I kept reading and studying, trying to figure it all out on my own. Trying to figure out why I needed expanders if I did not intend to have implants. Everything I read supported my idea that I did not need them, unless I was going to have them filled on a regular basis, stretching my skin over a period of time, then when the skin is stretched appropriately, the expanders are then exchanged for implants. The bottom line is, after today's conversations with Gillander's office and Dr. Tung's office, I was told that Dr. Tung's part of it will be cancelled, and we would just do the mastectomy. NO EXPANDERS!!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! I told her, "Nothing like changing everything at the last minute", she said, "oh it happens a lot more than you think. Don't worry about it. I am glad we finally got it straightened out." Sing it with me, praise ye the Lord, hallelujah, praise ye the Lord, hallelujah, praise ye the Lord, hallelujah, praaaissseeee ye the Lord!!!! I know, that you may not be feeling as elated as me, but seriously, this is a huge thing. A mastectomy is major surgery, complete with anesthesia. I have had to go do pre-testing to test my heart, to see if it could handle the "stress" that comes with surgery. I have had numerous MUGA tests, which is where they inject dye into me, then watch and take pictures of it as my heart pumps it through me. They will be injecting dye into me to see how it travels through my lymph nodes, and which lymph node it goes to first. Because of the surgery and the lymph node involvement, I am being told that I will not be able to pick up anything heavier than 1 lb, for at least a week. LOL! That rules out my purse and my laptop!! Oh well, moving on.

It seems that when we as Christians have to walk through troubled waters, it never fails, that someone is going to question God's plan for having us go through them. I have been through my share of troubled waters, trust me. I had my first miscarriage between my first child and second child. That was an ordeal by itself. I was admitted to the hospital for a D&C, but yet, they refused to do one, as it was not easily determined that I had a "clinical abortion", which is what the hospital notes were saying. Apparently, my body was still producing whatever it needed to produce to show positive on all the pregnancy tests they were running, so despite the fact that I had been bleeding heavily, for 5 days, they were saying I was still pregnant, and therefore could not perform a D&C. It had something to do with the fetal pole, which was still being seen on imaging equipment. Anyway, after more than 5 days in the hospital, bleeding heavily the whole time, I was feeling extremely weak to say the least. I felt as though I was "bleeding out" right there in a hospital! They finally came in and were sorry to tell me that I had indeed lost the baby, and they were going to go ahead and do the needed procedure. The next day, I was discharged and allowed to return home. Then when I was pregnant with my second child, my husband's factory closed it's doors, and our insurance was cancelled. After many phone calls, we were told that my pregnancy was a pre-existing condition, and yes, they would cover it. One part of the stressful situation was covered, but we still had that other part, the part about the factory closing down, and my husband being unemployed. The company had offered him, because of his seniority, positions in other states. My husband did not feel like that was an offer he could take. His family and my family lived in Festus, and he would not even consider moving us away from our family. Trust me, there was lots of prayers going on during this time. My husband finally decided to go out on his own and become self-employed. Starting a business from scratch, from the ground up, at a time when a major employer in our small town had just closed it's doors, leaving many unemployed, was hard. Lots of tough times followed. But God uses those tough times, those troubled waters, to build our faith, to grow us. "For richer, for poorer." I have endured many IRS audits. I have gotten the dreaded phone call from the officer of the law informing me they had my son at the Fredericktown jail, and we would need to come pick him up. He had been drinking, and he was only 18. That was followed by us being involved in church discipline, which ended up in us not being allowed to worship where we had been. Lots and lots of ugliness between Christian people. And, yes, on February 8th, 2007, I got the phone call from my daddy, telling me he was in St. Anthony's Hospital, and they had told him they thought it was Leukemia, but they were transferring him to St. Louis University Hospital by ambulance and he didn't want to go by ambulance, could I come and take him. Oh yea, and "I didn't tell your mom, I just told her it was something in the blood and they were going to run some more tests. I don't want you to tell her just yet until we know for sure." It know that God is in control, because when I got that phone call from my daddy, I was not at home, I was in the car with Keith, on I-270, a mile before the exit needed to go to St. Anthony's! Within 5 minutes of that phone call, I was sitting in daddy's hospital room. Mom had already left to go home, taking a ride from a member of Herky FBC, where daddy was Interim pastor at that time. Daddy filled me in on all that he knew at that time. And then, again, he told me he didn't want me to tell anyone until they got to SLU, and knew something more definite. I argued with him, and told him that my siblings deserved to know now. Daddy's argument was, they would over react, panic even, and all come, and he didn't want that. He wanted to wait until he knew for sure what this was. I stood firm, and instead of honoring my dad's wishes, I told him, I was going to call my brother and my sisters, and tell them. He was our daddy, and if this hospital thought that what he had was Leukemia, and it was serious enough to transfer him to SLU, then yea, they deserved to know.......NOW. I have been told on more than one occasion that I am "pushy, domineering and severe". I don't think I am like that all the time, but yes, I know that I can be, when it is called for. That phone call set into motion a series of events that turned into a year long battle, with my daddy fighting that life threatening disease which eventually got named as Acute Myloid Leukemia, or AML, as we learned to refer to it as. I don't know why I am including all this in today's posting, except, it is all wrapped up in what I am going through now. In the time my daddy was going through all this, there were many many trips to SLU Hospital, lots of doctor appointments, lots of changes. And because of all that, when I myself got diagnosed with cancer, it was so very very emotional for me. Every doctor appointment involved terminology that was so very "familiar". Even the drugs they prescribed for me, so many of them were exactly the same. Cancer is cancer, and the drugs they prescribe for cancer and all it's various side effects are the same. Changes are hard to deal with, no matter when they come into our life. I have said it many times, your life can change in a phone call. I know this intimately. Your life can change in an instant, when you sit down in front of your computer and look at your history file, and find out that someone in your house has been looking at things that are unacceptable. Then after all the questions, finding out it is one of your sons. After all the roller coaster of emotions that came with the year long path we walked with daddy, it ended with daddy going home to be with his Jesus. The Lord of his life. The Lord he loved more than life itself. I always felt that daddy had the relationship with Jesus that suggested he had breakfast with him this morning! Sat at a table with his coffee and chatted with Jesus. With my daddy, that was the best way to describe how I saw him live out his relationship with his Lord. Jesus was truly his best friend. And when it came close to the end of his life, and he knew it, we all began to question him about leaving momma. His words were, and I will never forget them as long as I live, "If I can trust the Lord with my life, I can trust the Lord with my wife." He went on to reassure me that God is in control, we are not. Nothing comes into our life, or crosses our path, that doesn't filter through God first. If it crosses our path, God has allowed it to cross our path. For reasons we don't need to know or even question. God's plan is just that, God's plan. As Christians, we know and trust in the one that created this world from scratch. The Bible says, the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away. We have a tendency to read the parts of the Bible that we want, and ignore the other parts. There is a song out now, by Mercy Me, that speaks to me every time I hear it. Allow me to share some of the lyrics,

"I can count a million times people asking me how I can praise you with all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me, can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You? Maybe since my life was changed, long before these rainy days, it's never really ever crossed my mind to turn my back on you, oh Lord, my only shelter from the storm, but instead I draw closer through these times. So I pray, bring me joy, bring me peace, bring the chance to be free, bring me anything that brings you glory. And I know there'll be days when this life brings me pain, but if that's what it takes to praise you Jesus, bring the rain. I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain, you who made a way for me, suffering your destiny, so tell me whats a little rain." Bring on the rain!! We all want the good that God has to offer, but we don't want the bad. We don't want to do hard things. We don't want to suffer. We don't get to chose our "mission". We just have to be willing servants, to be used of God, in whichever plan He has chosen for us, to accomplish whatever He wants to accomplish. Change comes, life changing situations and events happen to us. It happens to everyone, but when it happens to Christians, how we respond is what should set us apart from those that don't have faith in Christ Jesus. When our world is shaken, when our world is rocked, when things are not going according to the plan we had in our heads, we should take comfort in knowing that God is in control, and God has a plan for our life. I don't need to know the plan, because I truly do trust the one who does. When I get knocked down, because I am human, and my focus is seriously messed with, I search my Bible for some scripture to help me regain that focus. And if I am not where I can do that, I turn on my Christian music, and turn it up loud, and trust that God knows what I need to hear, and when i need to hear it, and the perfect song will come on, that lets me know, and I smile, yea, God knows..........and now I know that He knows, what I am going through in my mind, because the words to that song just calmed my spirit, and helped me to know that I am not the only one to ever feel this way. God is so good to me. He loves me, and I know that He is with me every step of every day. For that, I am truly grateful, regardless of how tomorrow's surgery turns out. I know God has a plan, and I know God knows in my heart of hearts, I want to please him, and I don't care what it takes to do that. Whatever Lord, whatever. Bring on the rain!! I love you!! I will be fine tomorrow. Whatever direction the Lord has for me, I will be fine.

I hate to keep harping on the fact that my surgery is in like, 8 days, and I still do NOT have a peace about it at all, but here I am again. I have told the "powers that be" that I do not want expanders, and I even put it in writing, sent an email, and expressed my concerns. I figured, that way, I have a written, dated record of my preferences. Apparently, they took my case before something referred to as the "tumor board" and discussed it at length. Then, at my appointment on Wednesday told me that their recommendations were that I have an expander put in at the time of the mastectomy. I guess the only way I am going to get out of having the expander is to say, in no uncertain terms, I am not having reconstruction at all, ever. I have read until I am dizzy. And, to top it off, Tuesday, when Keith and I were at Barnes getting all the Pre-testing done, Keith ran into our neighbor! Seriously, our neighbor that lives not 5 miles from us, was up there because his wife, who had a double mastectomy, with expanders put in, (by the same plastic surgeon as I will be using!) was there because she had developed an infection from the expanders and was there getting them taken out! How's that for getting your attention! Today as I was reading and researching, again, I ran across this little bit of info. I thought I would include it:
But many women decide against reconstruction for positive reasons.
They're strong women who don't feel their breasts define their identity.
They're confident women who know they can look great in clothes without showing lots of cleavage.
They're active women who want to continue exercising without any restrictions.
They're mature women who understand that love of spouses, friends, and family isn't dependent on having breasts.
There just is so much information out there, supporting both sides of this decision, and for many various reasons. And for those of you that are thinking, I should do what my doctors tell me, that is part of the problem. I have more than one doctor, and each one has a different opinion of what I should do. My Oncologist (Doctor Number 1) has said that he thinks I should deal with the cancer first, and I can always come back and do reconstruction later on down the road. The breast surgeon (Doctor Number 2) doing the mastectomy says that it is easier to do reconstruction at the same time as the mastectomy, while the skin is normal, and therefore stretches easier, before radiation. The plastic surgeon (Doctor Number 3) agrees with him. But both Doctor Number 2 and Doctor Number 3 agree that radiation limits your chances for an appealing outcome. And since, at this point, we don't know whether or not they are going to recommend radiation, I am leaning towards Doctor Number 1. Is it too late to call them and say, I am not going to have reconstruction surgery? It is a week from tomorrow! Talk about rocking the boat! But, I do not have a peace about this and until I do, I can't even think about the mastectomy, much less the reconstruction and the many different ways of reconstruction. I hate confrontations, I really do, but this is my body, and this is a life changing surgery I am about to have done! Not only will it change and affect my life, but my husband's as well! My husband keeps telling me it is my decision, and he will support me in whatever I decide. It is just such a hard decision to make. It is a decision I wish I didn't have to make, but I do, and I am running out of time to make it! I am gonna ask all you prayer warriors out there to pray specifically for me to have the wisdom to make the right decision. And not only that, that the Lord will give me the peace that passes all understanding, once the decision is made. Ready? Set.....PRAY!!!!!! (Thanks guys!)

Life has been so busy as they try and fill my head with all this knowledge, so I can make a well informed decision. LOL! Yea, whatever. Last Saturday night, I went up and spent the night with my mom!! Sunday, right after church, there was a 90th birthday party for one of mom's friends. I know she could have gone by herself, but they were calling for rain, and I didn't want mom to miss it. She has been looking forward to it for a couple weeks, asking me, "Is this weekend Arabelle's birthday party?" I enjoyed the time spent with my mom on Saturday afternoon, as we sat in the swing and watched the birds. I didn't bring the boys with me to mow her grass, since I was planning on staying the night. But as we sat there, and she made several comments about the "white flowers" (white clover, LOL!) in her yard, I decided to go ahead and mow it for her. Several weeks ago, in lieu of cash, a guy offered a mower to Keith as partial payment for the concrete job. Keith took it, and we put it at mom's. Now I don't have to load up the mowers and pull the horse trailer up there once a week to mow her grass. After the yard was mowed, we sat in the swing with some ice water and admired the birds at the bird feeders, as well as the freshly cut lawn. Sunday morning, it was so good to once again visit and fellowship with all the people at First Baptist Church Festus-Crystal City. I guess it doesn't matter how long your gone, or who is in the pulpit, one church always has a special place in your heart, and for me, that church is "good old First Baptist Church Festus Crystal City". When we arrived at mom's Sunday School class, it was full to the brim. I delivered mom, then backed out and told them I would go to "my" Sunday School class and meet up with mom in the sanctuary. We had a lively discussion in our class about the "law" vs. "grace" out of the text of Galations 2 and 3. It was very very good, and if any of you need a brushing up on that subject, I urge you to get out your Bibles and read a couple chapters. After church, we went to the birthday party and mom enjoyed visiting with many of her friends. On the way home, we stopped in for a visit with a friend of mom's who now resides at Autumn Ridge. Mom and I have visited her several times during the past several months. But on this day, when she saw me, she said, "My, you've gotten heavy!" Yea, folks, as I have shared with you, they have me on steroids, which one of the side effects is, yes, you guessed it....weight gain. I have gained about 16 lbs in the last 6 months. I can't tell you how good it made me feel to have her notice that!! NOT!!!!!! Oh well, sometimes the truth hurts. I just keep telling myself, a year from now, this will all be behind me. We are coming up hard and fast on my surgery date. Actually, 9 days from today?? Yikes!! Yesterday, I was at the hospital all day. They put me through a battery of tests they like to refer to as "Pre-testing". I had a MUGA scan, which is where they inject you with some dye, then wait 15 minutes, then take pictures of your heart valves working. They took me into the room, covered me with a warm blanket, and told me that they needed 3 pictures, and that each picture would take about 10 minutes. I plugged in my music in my ears, and closed my eyes, and laid very very still for 30 minutes or so. LOL! We then went to 1st floor, Pre-planning for Surgery, and had an EKG, a couple more sticks in my arms for blood draws, and they then sent me to have a chest x-ray. Finally, around 3:30 or so, Keith and I were in the car, headed south on 55. I know how hard it is for Keith to sit up there in those waiting rooms, and just wait, for hours and hours. So, yesterday, I took my lap top, complete with a couple DVD movies! I got him set up in a larger lobby waiting room, and he was good to go. And, when I was all done, and went to fetch him, he was actually, like, "just a couple more minutes Babe, they are about to rescue his family!" I like that response!! I will try and write more tomorrow, but this morning, I have to head back up to Barnes, for my weekly dose of Herceptin, and meet with the doctors to button up some last minute details. They did discuss my case with the "Tumor Board" last week, and the plan is still contingent upon what they find during surgery/mastectomy. If they find that I have had a complete response to the chemo drugs (all cancer is gone), then they will not recommend radiation. If they find any residual cancer, then, yes, they will recommend radiation. And, as far as my lymph nodes, they will test them, and only remove what they absolutely have to. I know God is in control, and I also know we don't get to pick and choose our "mission" in life. If we are believers, true believers, then we accept the assignment God has for us. I don't know who or what is being touched by this walk I am on, but God knows what He is doing, and I trust God. God loves me, and has a plan for my life. All He asks from me is obedience and a willing heart. I am trying to be that. I admit, on some days, I question the plan. I am like a small child, with questions for my Father. I don't always get an answer, but I can feel my heavenly father loving me, and I trust that. That is exactly where FAITH comes into play. That was part of our discussion Sunday morning. How would you explain FAITH to an unbeliever. What words would you use. You have to use words they would understand, and better yet, accept. We got lots of answers, lots of good answers. But the truth is, even for Christians, FAITH is hard to put into practice. It is easy to say you have faith when everything is going your way, when your paycheck gets deposited into your account every week, or when your healthy and your kids are all doing ok. On those days, FAITH is easy. I have said, faith is like a muscle, and when any muscle gets excercised a little more than normal, then said muscle gets sore, you have some pain to deal with. That would be why lots of people don't exercise!! They don't like pain, don't want pain. But pain can't be avoided in this life. Pain is guaranteed, but misery is optional. I heard Barbara Johnson say that at one of our Women of Faith conferences and have never forgotten it. When your faith is being stretched, it is painful. But a necessary part of growing stronger. I know God is working on me and my faith, because there is some pain involved in my life right now, both spiritual and physical. But, like the song I heard yesterday on the radio, there's always gonna be a mountain, I'm always gonna want it moved. But, I know God is in control, and if He is allowing these things in my life, then there is a good reason for it!! I just need to stretch and grow. I can do this, with God's help. I don't know how people who don't have a faith in God get through any of this, I truly don't. I certainly would not want to even try. I love my God, I trust Him and His ways, and I love my life. I feel truly blessed that I have such a loving and supporting family and lots of truly amazing friends. Keep on Praying!!

These past couple weeks have been so incredibly busy. Not only have I been doing a lot of research on radiation pros and cons, but also lots and lots of research on reconstruction. I did finally pin my doctor down and asked all kinds of questions about radiation and he did reassure me that radiation was not a "slam dunk". I realize that I might need it, and I don't mind doing it if it is deemed necessary. I just don't want to do "routine". When I signed on for the clinical study, I was told that I would be doing "cutting edge" techniques and trying new things, new drugs, etc. Yet, on any given day, they will give me the road map that shows "normal routine". So, I shared my emotional baggage and my concerns and he tried his best to make me understand all the options and what would be required vs. what would be put on the back burner and only used if he felt it was absolutely necessary. We again went over all the risks associated with radiation and lymph node removal, and yes, discussed peace of mind and how that played into all this as well. I felt much better when I left. I am praying, hard, that what they find in my surgery will give the indications they need to not order radiation or lymph node removal. Radiation is a bigger player down the road than I want to think about. So, needless to say, my mind has been working over-time on all these decisions that need to be made before surgery. They tell me I need to know what I want, then tell me, "we won't know for sure what needs to be done, until we actually get in there and open you up and biopsy the tissue so we can see if all that we have done has worked". Seriously, how can I make decisions on that kind of platform?? I have spent lots of time in prayer and meditation, trying to let the Lord speak to me and give me some clear direction.

On another note, there's mom. She has been doing lots better, as far as her mood. It's been a long time since she has shown the signs of depression openly. I don't know if it is the weather, the sunshine, the ability to get outside and sit in her swing or what. I really don't know what it is, but I am grateful for it. Don't get me wrong, she does still have memory issues. She has been going to the doctor these last few weeks for several check-ups the doctor has ordered. We spread them out so that I could get mom to go to them. We were afraid to load them up, afraid that mom would balk and refuse to go. She has had a mammogram, pap smear, a bone density scan, blood tests, urine tests, and the MME (Mini-mental Exam). That's a lot of doctor visits for my mom! Mom thinks that doctors will find something wrong with healthy people! and yes, she has constantly questioned why we are going here and why we are going there. She keeps telling me that she is fine, and when she was growing up you didn't go to the doctor unless you were sick and she is not sick, so she doesn't need to go to the doctor. I just keep trying to convince her that times have changed, and these are all things that even healthy people do, to try and catch anything that might crop up, so that they can treat it and deal with it before it turns into something big. They have all been routine exams, and with every one, I tried to turn it into a day out, go to lunch together, something positive! We would laugh and cut up together, so that her memory of the day was positive and fun. Yesterday, I decided to try and see if mom would go to the doctor by herself. It was her pap smear, it was at the local doctor's office, a place where she is used to going, knows where it is, etc. I called her Sunday night to remind her. She talked positive about it. I called her Monday morning, again, positive. I was thinking, this is great, she is going to do it all by herself. I called her 15 minutes before her appointment to see if she was walking out the door. She wasn't, but I talked her into it. I called her 30 minutes later, and yes, got daddy's voice on the answering machine. That meant she had gone!! Yippee!!! Yea, well, my glee was short lived. As I got busy on my day at home, time passed, and before I knew it, my phone was ringing, and it was mom's doctor's office. They wanted to share their "concerns" about mom and her "responsiveness to the what the doctor had to say". Hmmm. The doctor wanted to urge me to come with mom on all her doctor visits from now on, because she was not nearly as responsive this time as she had been in the past, when I was there. Ya think?? Inside I was laughing, trying to picture my mom giving the doctor a hard time. What exactly does "not as responsive" mean? Mom does not like doctors, plain and simple. She is 72 years old, and she does not take any medications, other than Aricept, and that is a fight. She will tell you, she doesn't take pills, and is not going to take any pills everyday for the rest of her life. Well, the doctor went on to share that they had gone back in mom's charts and found my number, and was going to put my number down as the contact number from now on. I asked them why, and they shared that they had called mom several times regarding the results of her mammogram and blood and urine tests. Mom had acted like she was going to come back in for further tests, but had not returned to the office. Apparently, her cholesterol is elevated and they had discussed a diet and exercise plan with mom to try and correct those numbers and they were met with some, er, resistance. LOL! And, not only that, her mammogram showed some abnormalities, so they would like to follow that up with an ultra-sound. They had called mom and discussed all this with her over the past couple of weeks, and mom had sounded like she would, but again, she was a no show on every follow-up appointment they had made for her. So, they had gone back into her records and located another phone number, mine, and was now trying to recruit my help in getting mom to these follow up appointments. I assured them I would give it my best shot, but I could not guarantee anything. Mom is, well, mom. She is very much a "force to be reckoned with", but I would try. I did ask them more about the "abnormalities" they found in the mammogram, and shared with them that I had breast cancer. They tried to reassure me that they did not feel it was cancer, but that it did need to be checked out further with a different machine. It might just be calcification's in the breast tissue, but they wanted to be sure. I agree with that, so that is the first thing on the agenda. They made her an appointment for this Friday, back up at Excel Imaging. The last time we went up there, we went to Olive Garden after the appointment, and we laughed and had a good time, and mom kept saying over and over, "this was a good idea!". And, I took advantage of that and said, "Mom, if they ever try and make any other appointments for you, you tell them, as long as they make them close to lunch, so we can go to Olive Garden, we are so on it!" We both laughed and she said "I will!". That will be my "creative re-direction" for this next appointment. I will try and remind her that she agreed to this appointment, and we made it for 10 o'clock so that we could go to Olive Garden when we were done! Pray for me, as I try and get this accomplished. And pray that whatever abnormality they found will be nothing serious. Life is good.........but incredibly complicated.