Friday, May 22, 2009

Hey there folks! I hope you all are having some good weather at last! We have had a full week of sunshine this week, and my husband has worked every day. Praise the Lord!! It has been a crazy busy week though for us all. All this good sunny weather, has made the hay fields pop, and believe it or not, it is time to cut hay. If you are wondering why I have not been on here for updates, it is because life is crazy busy at this time. But, I have received several emails and phone calls from friends asking, what is going on in my life?? Without going back to the website, and actually reading what I have shared and what I have not, I will attempt to bring you all into the loop, and update you at the risk of possibly repeating myself. I have decided to do a radical right mastectomy without immediate reconstruction. My surgery date has been decided, and it is set for June 26th. They are telling me that since I have decided not to do immediate reconstruction, the surgery will only last about 2 and 1/2 hours. Yippee!! But, they still expect me to spend the night, for observation after surgery. We met with the surgeon Wednesday, signed all the consent forms, and got instructions on what to expect with surgery, recovery, time schedules for radiation, etc. They give me a "window" every time, like we like to allow from "2 to 4 weeks" between chemo and surgery, and we like to allow from "3 to 4 weeks" between surgery and radiation, then radiation has to be 6 weeks, un-interrupted. I pressed for the minimum every time. If I was given 2 to 4, I said, "Let's go with 2 weeks." They commented, every time I give you a window, you take the least. I said, "If it is not an option, don't give it to me." I feel like this walk has been a walk that I have been steadfastly walking, climbing, and I don't see why I need to fearfully walk it. God is with me, God is the one in control of this situation, from start to finish. I have had that peace since day one. I have not one day, felt as though I was "dying from breast cancer" as much as I was "living with breast cancer". I have not experienced the fear aspect of leaving my family. I know that God has a plan here, I don't know what the plan is, but then again, I don't need to know the plan. Whatever His purpose is for using this Breast Cancer in my life, or someone else's life, I am totally trusting God. It's just a bump in the road. Because of how hectic this last couple of weeks has been, both for me and my husband and his business, not to mention the farm, on Tuesday night, the decision was made for me to find someone else to go with me to chemo on Wednesday. I tried to urge him that I didn't feel the need for a babysitter, but he said it would make him feel better if I had someone with me. So, I made a couple of calls, and my daughter, Kelly, ended up meeting me at the hospital and went with me to the surgeon's appointment, and then to labs, but by the time it was time for chemo, she had to leave for work. Which is fine, considering I sleep through that anyway. While the nurses were getting me all hooked up, we were chatting, they always ask about my family, and how the side effects are going,etc. Apparently, the young girl sitting across from me was listening. Because when she got up to leave, she laid a piece of paper on my tray table and walked out without saying anything. This young girl looked to be in her 20's, low 20's. I picked it up to read it. She had written a small page out of her journal, encouraging me! She shared that every flower that blooms has to go through a lot of dirt before it blooms, but it gets there, and that I would get there as well. She then had included a verse in Romans about Hope, and Character and Strength. I felt like an angel has just ministered to me! What a sweet thing for that young girl to do. I told the nurses what she did and began to ask a little about her. I know they won't share anything too personal, but they did share that she comes everyday, and yes, she has cancer. Not breast cancer, but cancer. I was reminded again, this place that I go every Wednesday is full of cancer patients. And not all of them have as good a prognosis as me. Some of them are terminal, and they know it. I remember when we were going through this cancer stuff with daddy, I would tell people, anytime you think you have it tough, spend a day on the oncology floor at any hospital. It helps you put everything in perspective. It will always make you once again, appreciate the blessings you do have in your life, that you tend to take for granted. Blessings like just being able to drive your car. I remember that was what daddy said he missed and didn't realize he would. He would watch out the window of his hospital room, and watch the cars come and go up and down the highway, and say, I miss being able to just get in my car and drive anywhere I want. It's the little things that so many who are dealing with cancer have to give up. The personal independence is a biggy. I see so many coming in on Wednesdays, that are needing assistance, needing help in and out of their wheelchairs. All of it is just so familiar. What breaks my heart, is seeing the people come in alone, in their wheelchairs, doing it all by themselves. Where is their family? Not everyone has family to depend on. I am grateful that my daddy, as he was walking the cancer path, he was surrounded by his family and friends, and there was always someone there to help. I am equally grateful, that I am walking this cancer walk, again, I am surrounded by my family, and there is always someone there to help. When my daughter-in-law heard that I was going to chemo alone, she said, "Why didn't you call me? Call me next time, I will go!" Sometimes I just don't even think about the people that I could call, and that would be willing to go with me! God has just blessed me beyond words through this whole thing. I have always felt his presence. I have always felt the peace that passes all understanding. Even when I am in the surgeon's office, and they are trying to mess with my focus, it doesn't take me long to get back to God, and get that reassurance, that no matter what "they" say, I know the Great Physician, and I know that I know, He's got this!! As I sit here on my deck this morning, the breeze is blowing, I can see my finches and blue birds eating out of my bird feeders. I can see and hear the buzz of my hummingbirds, and enjoy their playful antics as they empty my feeders. And as I look out across my yard, I can see my roses blooming this year, in greater abundance than any previous year. Life is good and full of opportunities to thank God for His blessings. Yesterday, I drove up to pick up my sister, Beck, from the airport. My niece, Sarah "Bean", is graduating high school in Chicago. I could not make the trip to take mom, so Beck flew into St. Louis, instead of Chicago. She will drive her and mom to Chicago today. They will spend some time together in the car, making the 6 hour road trip to see Lois and her family, and share this special time. Then on Sunday, they will come back to St. Louis. I am planning on spending the night with mom on Sunday night, because Beck's flight leaves at 8:15 am on Monday morning! Yea, do the math. That means we will be leaving mom's at 6am! Beck's flight came in yesterday at 12:40, so once we picked her up, we went to lunch at the restaurant where my daughter, Jenna, works and had a wonderful meal. We then stopped at the South County mall, where mom returned the dress that Beck had gotten her for Mother's Day, because mom thought it was too long. We thought it looked good on her, but unless mom likes it, she won't wear it, so with Beck with us, we took mom to J.C. Penney's and had a girl day shopping at the mall! It was fun, I do admit!! We laughed together, as mom tried on dresses and finally settled on one that looked great on her and she liked it as well! It was green and mom looks good in green!! Beck took care of the return credits and exchange and we were out the door and in the car headed home by 3:30 or so. It was a full day, but it was a wonderful day. I truly enjoyed spending the day with my mom and my sister. Memories I will cherish forever. We don't get to do that very often, not near often enough. I love to hear mom picking at us, picking at me, teasing with each other. Just being normal mom. It was a good day. I truly hope that she has a good time with Lois and her family, and Beck this weekend and everyone enjoys each other's company and makes great memories!! Pray for them folks!! I have to run, now, my husband ran off and left his phone here at home today, and has called asking me to come up early today and bring it to him. I have an appointment this afternoon up there, but I guess I will get going and head up early to take my husband his phone. Ya'll have a great day! I'm doing great!!

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